when you call my name, it's like a little prayer

Marie Curie once said, Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood. I'd like to think that way, especially in oncology. But it's hard, I'm not going to lie. I have to reach down and really pull sometimes to find hope. Some days are much more difficult than others. Some days I have to pretend, until hope really does finally break through. But I wouldn't be going into the field of oncology if I didn't intrinsically have hope; this I know. 

But what happens when someone might have metastases, years and years after they've been cancer-free? How does one rationalize such an irrational event? How do you start to make sense of it? It's not fair; but then again, cancer doesn't play fair. Cancer cells don't get the message that they're supposed to die (apoptosis), they just keep replicating and invading other organs in its host. They don't really care that they're crashing a party that they'd never be invited to in the first place. And then sometimes, they'll go into hiding, and the patients' treatment team congratulates themselves for their hard work and brilliance...and then months, years, decades later, they surprise us. To paraphrase, metastasis happens. Granted, metastatic disease is not the immediate death sentence it used to be, for the most part. Yes, we can't "cure" the patient, but we can "treat" them and "keep the cancer under control" and preserve quality of life for the patient. And of course, it depends on the kind of cancer, too. 

Anyway, hearing that the lump she has might be a cyst or a metastasis....floored me. Working in oncology doesn't soften the blow any. If anything, it kind of makes news like this worse because we know what we might be up against. I am hoping it turns out to be just a cyst. Hope. Have to hold onto that. Sometimes, though, I just feel like screaming, Seriously, G-d? Can't you give me a break? Don't you think you OWE me one? But that's a whole other theological discussion. 

Studies in JAMA show that people, somehow, heal faster and more complete when they're prayed for. It doesn't even matter if the people who are praying know the people they're praying for. Somehow, prayer works sometimes. So if you have a minute, pray for the people you know and care about. You never know. 

Look to the living, love them, and hold on. - Douglas Dunn