back in the game

How can I possibly be sad when I see this face?? Slowly, very slowly, I am getting up and on with life. Am I sad? Of course. But you know what? All my life, I have not been the type of person to let others assign a value to me and I'm not going to start now. I'm going to channel my energy into writing the best damn thesis ever and prove that I would have been a kick-ass doctoral student. And I will have a thesis I am proud of, that I poured my heart and soul into. And it will be that much more gratifying, because I will know that it didn't come easily. 

I had an appt with my pcp here at Student Health today, and she knew about the whole PhD decision, etc etc. She knows me pretty well, and is very observant and intuitive. But she said something that pretty much gave me a kick in the butt and made me open my eyes. She said that things happen for a reason, and our experiences help make us who we are. And she's right, I know she is. People have said this to me before, but for some reason, today it sunk in. Maybe the world needs me out in the field right now, and I'm not supposed to be stuck in a classroom. Maybe this is teaching me persistance. Endurance. Tenacity. Maybe it is teaching me how to appreciate it more. But it really made me think hard about myself. All my life up to this point, I have not been the type of person to be easily defeated - I fight back. I speak up, I get loud. I do not go gently into that great night, so to speak. So why am I starting now? Why am I getting so defeated now? No way - I will get up, dust myself off, tend to my wounds, and get right back in there. 

As soon as I finish this latte.