18 miles of my heart

After living in the city for more than a year, I have come to know that I need places of refuge - places where I can go and lose myself and forget everything around me. One of those places has become the Strand. Tourist snark aside, what's not for me to love? It's a musty, old, sprawling bookstore with 18 miles of books, new and used. There are hidden corners with tables stacked with books you never knew you needed, and most, if not all the books, are discounted. I recently found the $2 galley section, which was great, but they've massively cut that back, which is uber-disappointing. But seriously? I could stay here all day. Just wandering the aisles, smelling the books, marveling at how many stories are held in this building. And right across the street is The Bean, a really cool coffee place that has the best iced pumpkin coffee.
When I walk into the Strand, I relax. My shoulders drop and immediately I can breathe easier. I am among books and those who love them. It's like a treasure hunt, always looking for the next great book.  Or sitting in an aisle, people-watching and eavesdropping on conversations. The Strand has captured my heart.
And their tote bags are adorable. I don't care if they're touristy. So are backpacks. so there.

this song still makes me cry.

Tonight, as I walked out of my brother's house on our way to dinner, I smelled, for the first time this season, someone burning their fireplace. It smelled so good. You don't get that in NY. It's so nice, the relative quiet here. NY is jangling my nerves like no other. It is ALWAYS noisy, always over-sensory, alwaysalwaysalways.

so, I admit, I have ben listening to James Taylor more than I probably should, and looking forward to going down South to recharge. I need this. My body, soul and health need it.

thanks a lot

Trey and I, at our best.

So it's been a while. This semester has kicked my ass seven ways from Sunday. Everyone is feeling it, and Thanksgiving break could not come at a better time. This year, the holiday season is disorienting a little bit. Last year it was full of grief, sickness, anticipatory mourning, sadness and death. From Thanksgiving right on up through Jan 1. It is weird to be back in the "normal" world, if that makes sense. For the first time, I will not be going to my aunt's for Thanksgiving. This is odd to me. I'm still trying to wrap my brain around it. Because this time last year, each of us had our thing we were bringing for dinner. I think the whole thing still surprises me and catches me off guard.

That being said, I am very thankful for so many things this year.
1. as always, my nephew Trey
2. my family, for everything - really
3. my health - even with the recent Essential Tremor dx, I am thankful that it is not a bad tremor and that I am in the hands of such a great doctor
4. memories

It feels odd to make a list, because there's so much going on in my head that I am thankful for all of it and nothing is coming out right. Life has been discouraging and frustrating lately. But I'm alive. I still get a smile on my face when "Fame" comes on my iPod when I'm walking to school or on the subway. Or when "Sweet Child O'Mine" comes on, and I remember singing to Trey as a baby. I am thankful for friends who have stood the test of time, and for sorority sisters who, even after 10 years of no contact, will offer to drive you if you need to go anywhere because of your health stuff. I am thankful for my Narrative Medicine people. For professors who go the extra mile. For established writers who make time for "nobodies" - you guys are my rock stars, pretty much. For J.Crew, aka Garanimals for adults. For Starbucks red cups. For my Jeep. For the books whose pages I've dogeared and passages I've underlined so many times the pen bleeds through the page. For Carolina blue and being a Tar Heel. For monogramming. I'm thankful that my brother has made such a wonderful life for himself and is a wonderful daddy. For people who saw me apply to this MFA program 6 years ago and not get in, and are taking this journey with me now. I am thankful for music. For the feel of Trey's hand in mine and his excitement as we went to the "liberry" for the first time. I am thankful that I didn't give up this crazy dream of being a writer. I'm thankful for grace.

Grace.