one year later.

I turned in the first couple pages of my thesis last night, and I have LOTS of work to do. It's so completely overwhelming. My topic has evolved once more, and now it is: Second Malignancies in Survivors of Childhood Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia, Hodgkin Lymphoma, and non-Hodgkin Lymphoma. wooo!! fun. 

I got rejected from the PhD program that I applied to at Hopkins. I was pretty bummed. Honestly, I cried like a baby when I got the rejection letter. I'm hoping I get better news soon. Very soon. 

On a more serious note, tomorrow, March 5, marks the one year anniversary of Eve Carson's murder. I don't know why she has struck a chord with me for some reason. Maybe because it's Chapel Hill, where nothing ever happens, and it could have been anyone. Maybe because her vibrant, full life is in sharp contrast with her violent, lonely death. But this time last year, she was probably doing homework, emailing friends, talking on the phone - not knowing that in a few hours, she'd be taken from her house, held at gunpoint, and according to new documents, be tortured and physically abused, and finally, killed in the middle of an intersection. She had no idea that her spring break plans would never happen, or that she wouldn't be in class on March 5. I guess the psychologist in me wonders about her roommates, how they are holding up, and the daughter, the human in me wonders about her parents and brother. I often think about them, and what their life has been like since receiving that phone call. I think of what must have been going through her mind when she was taken - if she knew in her heart that she wouldn't make it back home, or if she truly believed they would let her go. I think of how scared she must have been, but also how brave she was to run. It is all truly beyond the scope of my brain. It doesn't seem real, still, in some weird way. The violence contrasts so much with my view of Chapel Hill, with the life I have created here. The fact that we got an email on March 5, notifying us about an unidentified female's body that was found -- as one of my friends said over lunch that day, "This is like, if your roommate didn't come home last night, you'd better call us....." But none of us really thought it was a UNC student....things like that don't happen here....yeah. 

But on March 5, I think Eve should be remembered for a life richly lived. I read about her and I am in awe of how much living, how much life she lived in her 22 years. She was truly present in her life, and incredibly giving and accomplished. I think it would do us all good to remember that lesson - that life is meant to be lived, because no one ever promised us tomorrow. 

This is one of the last, if not last, pictures of Eve, taken 2 days before her murder. 

I wish her family and friends strength and love and resilience, and I hope they find some solace in knowing that while she was alive, she truly did live. 

"Study hard and work hard. Play hard. Keep an open mind. Take pride in yourself, in your school, in what you produce and the way you help others. If you make mistakes, make sure you learn from them, and never give up -- stay strong to the finish." -- Eve Marie Carson