DUDE. Things have been crazy busy. BUT - thesis is turned in. And ironically, three years ago today, I got the phone call that I was accepted into Columbia's MFA program. OH THE IRONY. Job interviews are happening. Life is happening. Editing gigs are happening. So keep your fingers crossed that things are panning out. And if I happen to (gulp) happen to stay in the Empire State, so be it. But at least I will earn enough money to visit my peeps in Chapel Hill often. :) The weather has been completely shitty. My LLBean boots have been getting so much use, not to mention my pink Dora Docs. Last friday I found a pair of red shiny Doc Martens on sale at Harry's Shoes for $29!!! You can bet I scooped those babies up. It made me so so so happy.
I spent a large chunk of change on an online class through LitReactor to take a class with Lidia Yuknavitch, but I can honestly say it's been worth every penny so far. It's a 6 or 7 week class, and when I say I've never been challenged like this before, I mean NEVER. EVen at Columbia, I have never had such thought-provoking, soul-searching, earnest lectures like the ones Lidia gives, not to mention the homework she assigns us. It's a real challenge. You can't bullshit your way though it. And my peers in the class? I am astounded by their graciousness, their sensitivity, and their tact on critiquing when something needs work. No egos here. No bloodbath like in an MFA classroom. Makes me wonder if I could have saved thousands of dollars and just taken class after class on LitReactor for two years and put together my own reading list during that time. But, what's done is done. I don't regret spending the money. And If - when - I get a full time job - I want to continue taking these online writing classes to keep my writing sharp. I didn't get to take fiction and poetry classes at Columbia, so these are a great way to expose myself to them. I am a lucky girl. And very thankful. Of course, I'm hoping my tax refund covers what I spend (and then some, which would be nice).
I've been loving my tote bags lately. I got a Strand x Kate Spade one. But I often find them a little too small. Maybe because I carry a ton of shit with me. Especially since I decided to start the behemoth of a book Infinite Jest. I mean, 1079 pages? Come on, DFW. I need two bookmarks for this bitch of a book - one for the story, one for the footnotes. It better be good. I have stacks of books waiting to be read. PLus job searching and apps, getting my manuscript written and finished for Rhonda, figuring out what I want to do with my life, hoping I don't become infertile in the next few years, you know, the usual.
Latest obsessions: tote bags, Alex & Ani bangles, bullet earrings, scarves, Docs, Our Lady of Guadelupe bracelets (and I'm Jewish, go figure), Kanken backpacks, naps, bracelets, Reading Rainbow
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Saturday, January 11, 2014
New Year.
Wow, it's been a while. I've been busy and stressed. I managed to read 318 books in 2013, which could either mean I'm a really fast, amazing reader, or I have no life. You choose. Winter break was good, I got to spend time in North Carolina and Chapel Hill, and as usual, I'm missing it like crazy.
There's less than two months until my thesis is due, and I've been busy doing some freelance editing, tutoring, book reviewing, and applying for jobs. Oh yeah, and reading, of course. :) Something tells me that with all the work I have to do, and all the anxiety I have, that I won't be getting much sleep in the next two months. Or really, until I get a job. But, in the wise words of Scarlett O'Hara, "I won't think of it now. I'll think of it when I can stand it."
I read The Goldfinch at the end of last year, and loved it - I don't think there's any way the story could have been shorter, and still be that amazing. I'm reading Lee Smith's "Guests on Earth" right now, and though she can basically do no wrong, this book is especially wonderful. Set at Highland Hospital in Asheville, NC in the 1930s and 40s, it is a historical fiction hybrid, telling the story of a girl named Evaline who befriends Zelda Fitzgerald, who later died in the fire at the hospital. She also examines how, even back then, women who didn't conform - who were just too MUCH of anything - were seen as ill and needing to be reformed. I'm really loving it. I've also been reading a lot of the classics I missed out on - Brave New World, Lord of the Flies, etc. And I'm pretty much loving everything on Hawthorne Books' website.
So yeah. I'm still alive, sluggin' it out in NYC.
There's less than two months until my thesis is due, and I've been busy doing some freelance editing, tutoring, book reviewing, and applying for jobs. Oh yeah, and reading, of course. :) Something tells me that with all the work I have to do, and all the anxiety I have, that I won't be getting much sleep in the next two months. Or really, until I get a job. But, in the wise words of Scarlett O'Hara, "I won't think of it now. I'll think of it when I can stand it."
I read The Goldfinch at the end of last year, and loved it - I don't think there's any way the story could have been shorter, and still be that amazing. I'm reading Lee Smith's "Guests on Earth" right now, and though she can basically do no wrong, this book is especially wonderful. Set at Highland Hospital in Asheville, NC in the 1930s and 40s, it is a historical fiction hybrid, telling the story of a girl named Evaline who befriends Zelda Fitzgerald, who later died in the fire at the hospital. She also examines how, even back then, women who didn't conform - who were just too MUCH of anything - were seen as ill and needing to be reformed. I'm really loving it. I've also been reading a lot of the classics I missed out on - Brave New World, Lord of the Flies, etc. And I'm pretty much loving everything on Hawthorne Books' website.
So yeah. I'm still alive, sluggin' it out in NYC.
Thursday, November 14, 2013
book review: The Mary Smokes Boys
So. It's been quite a while. I've been busy writing, fighting off colds and the general malaise that comes with turning the clocks back, etc. I've been reading a lot, too - my goal is to break 400 books by the end of the year, and I have a little more than 100 books to go.....
One of my favorite publishers is Hawthorne Books. Their books are a distinct rectangular shape, with heavy, thick, beautifully done covers with inside flaps, and they always smell good. Oh, come on - if you're a booknerd you KNOW you smell new books. But more than that, I can honestly say I have yet to read a Hawthorne book I don't like. The thoughtfulness with which they are chosen is clear. The writing is intelligent and fierce, the characters are vibrant, the memoirs are heartbreakingly beautiful. Really looking forward to allll the books coming out, especially "I loved you more" and Ariel Gore's memoir. I want to read ALL THE BOOKS.
I was lucky enough to get an advance copy of the book The Mary Smokes Boys, by Patrick Holland, which comes out early next year. The first thing I noticed about the writing is how lyric, how poetic it is. The prose dances on the page: "...He watched wet oats and feathertop glinting in the broken light..." This is a story about a brother and sister, Grey North and Irene North. Their mother died in childbirth and their father comes and goes and is a drunk. Mary Smokes is a small town, with many people working with horses. The book unfolds over years, following both Grey and Irene as they navigate growing up, and watching Grey protect his sister because there is no one else to do so. Each character in the book is so richly drawn that the layers of stories never feel confusing or like too much; rather, they pull the reader in and demand you become part of them. Without giving anything away, I can say that I was devastated at the end of the book. I did not see that plot twist coming, and had to put down the book for a minute because it was so unnerving. I wanted to stay with the Norths forever.
One of my favorite publishers is Hawthorne Books. Their books are a distinct rectangular shape, with heavy, thick, beautifully done covers with inside flaps, and they always smell good. Oh, come on - if you're a booknerd you KNOW you smell new books. But more than that, I can honestly say I have yet to read a Hawthorne book I don't like. The thoughtfulness with which they are chosen is clear. The writing is intelligent and fierce, the characters are vibrant, the memoirs are heartbreakingly beautiful. Really looking forward to allll the books coming out, especially "I loved you more" and Ariel Gore's memoir. I want to read ALL THE BOOKS.
I was lucky enough to get an advance copy of the book The Mary Smokes Boys, by Patrick Holland, which comes out early next year. The first thing I noticed about the writing is how lyric, how poetic it is. The prose dances on the page: "...He watched wet oats and feathertop glinting in the broken light..." This is a story about a brother and sister, Grey North and Irene North. Their mother died in childbirth and their father comes and goes and is a drunk. Mary Smokes is a small town, with many people working with horses. The book unfolds over years, following both Grey and Irene as they navigate growing up, and watching Grey protect his sister because there is no one else to do so. Each character in the book is so richly drawn that the layers of stories never feel confusing or like too much; rather, they pull the reader in and demand you become part of them. Without giving anything away, I can say that I was devastated at the end of the book. I did not see that plot twist coming, and had to put down the book for a minute because it was so unnerving. I wanted to stay with the Norths forever.
Monday, September 30, 2013
One thing I'm loving right now....
So it's the end of September, National Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month. The bag company LeSportsac put out a print called Hope Rose, and the proceeds from it went to the Ovarian Cancer Research Fund.
These bags are made of this indestructible nylon, are easy to clean, and last forever. I have several over the years, and they're well worth the money -- and they're not even that expensive. I am loving the enamel teal ribbon keychain -- you can put it on any bag you happen to be wearing, or add it to your keys.
But with October starting tomorrow, and we all know what that means -- pink, pink, and more pink -- let's not forget about breast cancer's cousin cancer, ovarian cancer. It's deadly, silent, and we are lacking even a screening tool, let alone better, less toxic, more effective drugs to kill the disease. Let's raise money and awareness all year long, not just in September.
These bags are made of this indestructible nylon, are easy to clean, and last forever. I have several over the years, and they're well worth the money -- and they're not even that expensive. I am loving the enamel teal ribbon keychain -- you can put it on any bag you happen to be wearing, or add it to your keys.
But with October starting tomorrow, and we all know what that means -- pink, pink, and more pink -- let's not forget about breast cancer's cousin cancer, ovarian cancer. It's deadly, silent, and we are lacking even a screening tool, let alone better, less toxic, more effective drugs to kill the disease. Let's raise money and awareness all year long, not just in September.
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
fall = frustration?
It's been a while since I've posted....life's been busy. My beautiful niece was born in late July, and I've been doing a lot of reading and trying to write. And honestly, I've been trying not to let customers get to me as much as they were. It's hard though. The lack of basic manners never, ever fails to irk me. I get very irritated. It takes two seconds to say "please" or "thank you." You gain nothing by being demanding or demeaning to a shop worker. I just don't get it.
There was a woman today who was not only condescending while looking for books, but when she went to pay, didn't like the manufacturer's sticker on the back of the book. We cover the price with our sticker, but she didn't understand that we couldn't take off the manufacturer's sticker because it would rip the cover of the book. She started getting irate, her daughter was like, mom, calm down. I said that I doubt the child would mind, and she got all huffy and said SHE would mind. Come on. It is a sticker on the back of a book jacket. In the grand scheme of things, this is nothing. Chill out. She even grabbed the book out of my co-worker's hands and I thought things were going to get physical. This woman was a trip. The daughter must have been used to this, because she hustled her mother out quickly.
Then - and I know I may get flack for this - there was the woman who came in wanting books on transgender issues for a second grader. My first thought was, hmmm, that's a bit young, no? I mean, we have "My Princess Boy" and all that, but my gut reaction is just, why bring this into childhood so young? Just let the kid do what they want and be a child for a bit longer. We had books for teens, but the mom voted them down. Okay, but if you're bringing that topic up, obviously you think your child is mature enough to talk about and grapple with this....so....I'm not sure what level you're looking for.
I just wish everything were simpler. Things seem like they were simpler when I was a kid. No "special topics" section, we read the classics, I went to a private school where everyone's parents wanted them to be successful but I don't remember anyone's parents pushing them like these parents do. And for Christ's sake, people, don't take yourselves so seriously! I mean, really. None of this is a life or death situation. I promise. Much of these are serious #firstworldproblems of the highest degree. I hate to break it to you, but no one outside Manhattan really cares about your child's 40k per year grade school. Most people probably think it's ridiculous. How did we get to this place?
There was a woman today who was not only condescending while looking for books, but when she went to pay, didn't like the manufacturer's sticker on the back of the book. We cover the price with our sticker, but she didn't understand that we couldn't take off the manufacturer's sticker because it would rip the cover of the book. She started getting irate, her daughter was like, mom, calm down. I said that I doubt the child would mind, and she got all huffy and said SHE would mind. Come on. It is a sticker on the back of a book jacket. In the grand scheme of things, this is nothing. Chill out. She even grabbed the book out of my co-worker's hands and I thought things were going to get physical. This woman was a trip. The daughter must have been used to this, because she hustled her mother out quickly.
Then - and I know I may get flack for this - there was the woman who came in wanting books on transgender issues for a second grader. My first thought was, hmmm, that's a bit young, no? I mean, we have "My Princess Boy" and all that, but my gut reaction is just, why bring this into childhood so young? Just let the kid do what they want and be a child for a bit longer. We had books for teens, but the mom voted them down. Okay, but if you're bringing that topic up, obviously you think your child is mature enough to talk about and grapple with this....so....I'm not sure what level you're looking for.
I just wish everything were simpler. Things seem like they were simpler when I was a kid. No "special topics" section, we read the classics, I went to a private school where everyone's parents wanted them to be successful but I don't remember anyone's parents pushing them like these parents do. And for Christ's sake, people, don't take yourselves so seriously! I mean, really. None of this is a life or death situation. I promise. Much of these are serious #firstworldproblems of the highest degree. I hate to break it to you, but no one outside Manhattan really cares about your child's 40k per year grade school. Most people probably think it's ridiculous. How did we get to this place?
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
the ugly side of smart.
(Identifying details have been changed, just so you know). Oh, you Manhatannites. Why do you make this so easy for me? Seriously. Tonight, at work, this older couple comes in. The woman looks high-maintenance, wears her sunglasses inside (maybe she doesn't know the sun's going down and um, we're inside), and they explain they came here this weekend and bought their 5-year old grandson 2 Diary of a Wimpy Kid books, but he already has them. And you know, the grandmother informs me, he's been reading since he's 2 -- self-taught, no less -- and he understands everything, so nothing is too hard for him. The grandfather was more realistic and realized that, hello, the kid is still five and not 15. As they're checking out, my coworker was talking with them, and the grandmother goes, "I just don't understand it. He got a 99 percent on standardized tests, not 100. His best friend -- who I don't think is really as smart as he is -- got a 98 and got into Collegiate, and he didn't. How could he not have gotten 100? Is that what they want?" My coworker explained that with standardized testing, a 99 percentile score means he did better than 99 percent of kids taking the same test, and it's not really feasible to get 100. Then the grandmother starts talking about how smart the grandson is -- did she mention he taught himself to read at only two years old -- and she just really wants to find out why he didn't get into Collegiate but got into Hunter, but of course they won't tell you, and she doesn't think they ask about reading because if they did, he would be in for sure. At this point, I believe my blood pressure was probably somewhere near 200/150 and I don't know what my face must have looked like. I couldn't actually believe what I was hearing. Remember -- THIS IS FOR KINDERGARTEN. They're talking about Kindergarten, and the gifted and talented programs for kindergarten. Can you imagine what these grandparents would be like about COLLEGE admissions? *shudder* I SO wanted to tell them that there's different kinds of intelligence, that the kid is only 5, for Christs' sake, that it's KINDERGARTEN, no one really cares where you go for it. And gifted and talented kindergarten? We've had this conversation before. Get over yourself. (The snark in me was all, yeah, well if he's so smart, why didn't he start kindergarten at 4, like me? BAM. kidding. I don't really care. Just being obnoxious to meet them at their level.). Eventually, they left the store, with the grandmother still talking her husband's ear off about how she really wants to find out why their grandson didn't get accepted to certain schools, and I'm sure he was tuning her out by then. I just turned and looked at my coworker, speechless. I literally could not believe what had just happened, that people like that actually exist. It was like The Devil Reads Scholastic. I hope this child has more supportive parents, healthier parents. My Lord.
She's going around dogging his best friend, saying he's not as smart as he is - when, clearly, he is - geez, woman. The kid is five. If someone ever disparaged my nephew over his struggles with reading, I would throw down in a hot minute.
This woman doesn't know the courage it can take for a kid to open a book.
I miss being with my nephew even more on days like this. When I talk to him on the phone and he tells me he wants me to come home so we can get another cat in the hat book, and then I have an interaction like this one -- such a stark contrast makes me so grateful for my life and my nephew. My nephew might not be reading fluently, but he has found a niche he enjoys, and I cannot tell you how happy it makes me when he asks if it's okay to read in bed. Or when he excitedly tells me he has a diary. Or when he wants to go to the "liberry." He has a heart of pure joy and happiness, and draws in everyone who meets him with his infectious lovingkindness. You can't learn that. And that's more important than any G&T program or standardized test.
She's going around dogging his best friend, saying he's not as smart as he is - when, clearly, he is - geez, woman. The kid is five. If someone ever disparaged my nephew over his struggles with reading, I would throw down in a hot minute.
This woman doesn't know the courage it can take for a kid to open a book.
I miss being with my nephew even more on days like this. When I talk to him on the phone and he tells me he wants me to come home so we can get another cat in the hat book, and then I have an interaction like this one -- such a stark contrast makes me so grateful for my life and my nephew. My nephew might not be reading fluently, but he has found a niche he enjoys, and I cannot tell you how happy it makes me when he asks if it's okay to read in bed. Or when he excitedly tells me he has a diary. Or when he wants to go to the "liberry." He has a heart of pure joy and happiness, and draws in everyone who meets him with his infectious lovingkindness. You can't learn that. And that's more important than any G&T program or standardized test.
Saturday, July 13, 2013
Bram Stoker must have known Manhattan parents.
Today was Lindsay's memorial service. I didn't/couldn't go. I had work and didn't plan ahead to ask off and carpool up to Buffalo. Things have just been crazy insane, it feels like, between work, reading, writing, endless fatigue and daily life chores. It's hard to explain. It's been busy.
Manhattan parents, as always, have been a source of astonishment/frustration/disgust/and then some. Can someone, PLEASE tell me the point of smash cakes? They're exactly what they sound like. For a child's first birthday, it's a small cake the child SMASHES and mashes into their face and outfit, while everyone cooes over how cute they are. And people pay top dollar to have custom-made, expensive smash cakes. Then, a dad came into the store with a bag full of Eleni's cupcakes, all frosted and sparkly and personalized Happy Birthday-ed out -- at nearly $50 for a dozen, he had at least two dozen. And he picks up a picture book for the kid. I get that you want a memorable birthday. But if you're giving your daughter a picture book, do you think she gives a shit if her cupcakes are from Eleni's? Save yourself some money and go to Magnolia Bakery. Or - gasp - just get store-bought ones. Whole Foods actually has really nice ones. If you REALLY feel like roughing it, you could make them YOURSELF. Or have the nanny do it. Sigh. I just don't get it. And you - yeah, you, the mother who loads up on workbooks for her daughter so she "has an edge" on the other kids come September? Buying books that are a grade ahead to give her that "edge?" You keep going, and she's gonna fall off that edge. Take my word for it. Or not. But it won't be pretty.
And the babies and toddlers learning Mandarin. Another thing I don't get. Is this to trot them out as shoe ponies, showing how smart they are, that they are learning a super hard, culturally sophisticated language? Wouldn't, say, Spanish, be more useful? Hell, I wish I knew Spanish.
Then -- then -- I almost lost it this morning. This morning! Early! I hear banging and smearing on the front window - these kids are jumping and then smearing their hands down the front windows, and their parents are standing RIGHT THERE, looking at them, talking to them, seemingly having a normal conversation. Honestly, I was thisclose to walking outside and asking them to control their children. I just think that's complete disregard for other's property and outright disrespect. My parents would not have tolerated that behavior with my brother and I - we don't tolerate that behavior NOW, with Trey -- and he would never even think to DO that. I just am amazed at the entitled behavior of these little monsters sometimes. Really. It's like The Nanny Diaries, but multiplied a thousand times.
Then there are the sweet grandmothers who come in and I help them find books for their granddaughters, or we talk about the original Nancy Drew mysteries, and I tell them that I read them from my grandmother. Or the kids who are so genuinely mannerly and thankful for your help.....these are the rare ones. But it's nice when it happens.
I still really don't understand the need for multiple books about giving up pacifiers or diapers. I'm not sure how I feel about the AIDS books for kids in the "special topics" section. (when did we become a society that even needs a special topics section? My favorite title in this section is "No one wants a nuclear war." NO. SHIT.). Kid, you shouldn't even know what nuclear war IS.
But there are mixed messages. We do carry the Magic Fairies series, which is cute, I admit. There's a bunch - the Weather Fairy series, the Music Fairy series, the Sports Fairy series, the Color Fairy series. All is well and good until the fucking FASHION FAIRY series. Really? Do we really have to carry this? The Accessory Fairy? The BEAUTY Fairy? If you're going to tell me that it's so important to be progressive and have Meaningful Picture Books downstairs with Deep Messages, why do we have the Fashion Fairies? This causes way more anger than it really should.
Deep breath. I just figure my kid will get stuck with Madeline, Paddington, Corduroy, Dr. Seuss, PD Eastman, Berenstein Bears, Curious George, Eric Carle books, Beatrix Potter....classics. I don't need witty "word play" books or gender-neutral characters or whatever. If you do, more power to you.
They're kind of like vampires, Manhattan parents. They suck the life and energy right out of you. And most of my college classmates are these people. Lord help me.
Manhattan parents, as always, have been a source of astonishment/frustration/disgust/and then some. Can someone, PLEASE tell me the point of smash cakes? They're exactly what they sound like. For a child's first birthday, it's a small cake the child SMASHES and mashes into their face and outfit, while everyone cooes over how cute they are. And people pay top dollar to have custom-made, expensive smash cakes. Then, a dad came into the store with a bag full of Eleni's cupcakes, all frosted and sparkly and personalized Happy Birthday-ed out -- at nearly $50 for a dozen, he had at least two dozen. And he picks up a picture book for the kid. I get that you want a memorable birthday. But if you're giving your daughter a picture book, do you think she gives a shit if her cupcakes are from Eleni's? Save yourself some money and go to Magnolia Bakery. Or - gasp - just get store-bought ones. Whole Foods actually has really nice ones. If you REALLY feel like roughing it, you could make them YOURSELF. Or have the nanny do it. Sigh. I just don't get it. And you - yeah, you, the mother who loads up on workbooks for her daughter so she "has an edge" on the other kids come September? Buying books that are a grade ahead to give her that "edge?" You keep going, and she's gonna fall off that edge. Take my word for it. Or not. But it won't be pretty.
And the babies and toddlers learning Mandarin. Another thing I don't get. Is this to trot them out as shoe ponies, showing how smart they are, that they are learning a super hard, culturally sophisticated language? Wouldn't, say, Spanish, be more useful? Hell, I wish I knew Spanish.
Then -- then -- I almost lost it this morning. This morning! Early! I hear banging and smearing on the front window - these kids are jumping and then smearing their hands down the front windows, and their parents are standing RIGHT THERE, looking at them, talking to them, seemingly having a normal conversation. Honestly, I was thisclose to walking outside and asking them to control their children. I just think that's complete disregard for other's property and outright disrespect. My parents would not have tolerated that behavior with my brother and I - we don't tolerate that behavior NOW, with Trey -- and he would never even think to DO that. I just am amazed at the entitled behavior of these little monsters sometimes. Really. It's like The Nanny Diaries, but multiplied a thousand times.
Then there are the sweet grandmothers who come in and I help them find books for their granddaughters, or we talk about the original Nancy Drew mysteries, and I tell them that I read them from my grandmother. Or the kids who are so genuinely mannerly and thankful for your help.....these are the rare ones. But it's nice when it happens.
I still really don't understand the need for multiple books about giving up pacifiers or diapers. I'm not sure how I feel about the AIDS books for kids in the "special topics" section. (when did we become a society that even needs a special topics section? My favorite title in this section is "No one wants a nuclear war." NO. SHIT.). Kid, you shouldn't even know what nuclear war IS.
But there are mixed messages. We do carry the Magic Fairies series, which is cute, I admit. There's a bunch - the Weather Fairy series, the Music Fairy series, the Sports Fairy series, the Color Fairy series. All is well and good until the fucking FASHION FAIRY series. Really? Do we really have to carry this? The Accessory Fairy? The BEAUTY Fairy? If you're going to tell me that it's so important to be progressive and have Meaningful Picture Books downstairs with Deep Messages, why do we have the Fashion Fairies? This causes way more anger than it really should.
Deep breath. I just figure my kid will get stuck with Madeline, Paddington, Corduroy, Dr. Seuss, PD Eastman, Berenstein Bears, Curious George, Eric Carle books, Beatrix Potter....classics. I don't need witty "word play" books or gender-neutral characters or whatever. If you do, more power to you.
They're kind of like vampires, Manhattan parents. They suck the life and energy right out of you. And most of my college classmates are these people. Lord help me.
Monday, June 24, 2013
Lindsay (1987 - 2013)
I write this blog post not even really believing what I'm writing. My dear friend Lindsay passed away today. She had alveolar soft-part sarcoma, a very rare sarcoma that has an extremely poor prognosis. But Lindsay had such a positive attitude. She did chemo, radiation, spinal surgery, craniotomy, rehab, OT, PT -- she did what needed to be done, with a smile on her face and a belief that she would beat this. She did yoga, was into nutrition -- she did everything she could to be healthy.We either met through LiveStrong or the "crazysexycancer" nutrition message boards; I can't remember which, to be honest. For over 5 years we emailed, Facebooked, texted -- while I was in NC, she was in NY, and we vowed that if I were to move back to NYC, we'd have to get together for cupcakes. And after I moved here, she relocated to MD to be near Hopkins for her treatment. She was there so often anyway. She loved the OBX, and shared my enthusiasm for pinkberry, Sperry Top-Siders, plaid shirts, the Rolling Stones, and the South.
After her two strokes earlier this year, I knew that wasn't good, but this was Lindsay: if anyone could overcome this, it was her. Capturing the whole thing on Instagram as she went along. When I wanted DBS (deep brain stimulation) for the tremors, I had planned on going to Hopkins -- I told her this, and she was so excited that we'd finally get to meet - under less than ideal circumstances, but if anyone could put a positive spin on things, it was her. We were both sad when it turned out I probably wasn't going to go for consultations about the surgery.
And today, scrolling down my Facebook newsfeed, I see that one of our mutual friends left her a message about how she "will be missed." My breath caught in my throat and I said out loud, NONONONONO. I immediately went to Lindsay's page. It was true. She had passed away earlier today. I'm stunned. I feel like this must have been sudden, because she was doing so well. I just don't understand the Universe.
I can't even believe this is true. Sending prayers and good thoughts to her parents and two brothers.
After her two strokes earlier this year, I knew that wasn't good, but this was Lindsay: if anyone could overcome this, it was her. Capturing the whole thing on Instagram as she went along. When I wanted DBS (deep brain stimulation) for the tremors, I had planned on going to Hopkins -- I told her this, and she was so excited that we'd finally get to meet - under less than ideal circumstances, but if anyone could put a positive spin on things, it was her. We were both sad when it turned out I probably wasn't going to go for consultations about the surgery.
And today, scrolling down my Facebook newsfeed, I see that one of our mutual friends left her a message about how she "will be missed." My breath caught in my throat and I said out loud, NONONONONO. I immediately went to Lindsay's page. It was true. She had passed away earlier today. I'm stunned. I feel like this must have been sudden, because she was doing so well. I just don't understand the Universe.
I can't even believe this is true. Sending prayers and good thoughts to her parents and two brothers.
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
it's wednesday.
So my tremor's gotten significantly worse, and I spoke to my movement d/o doctor today. She said that stress definitely can increase the tremors, but we need to see if the increase continues to determine whether this level of intensity is here to stay. She then told me that a colleague of hers told her about octanoic acid, or caprylic acid, which is thought to possibly mimic alcohol's effect on tremors (i.e., temporarily calm them). I found the study. It's a small study, like she told me. 19 people. The supplement started to work nearly three hours after taken. But it worked. For some. So I went to the Vitamin Shoppe and bought the stupid supplement. I don't even want to get my hopes up, because if it doesn't work, I'll be even more disappointed.
I thought I would be back in Chapel Hill. I thought that being down South would have a calming effect on my whole body, inside and out, my stress levels, my happiness, etc. -- which would translate into a reduction or disappearance of the tremors. I was kind of banking on North Carolina being the remedy. But obviously, I need to reframe. I'm trying to minimize my stress levels, but that hasn't really been working lately, obviously.
My grandparents bought me an air conditioner, which feels like a delicious luxury here in NYC. Makes me never want to leave the house even more.
I thought I would be back in Chapel Hill. I thought that being down South would have a calming effect on my whole body, inside and out, my stress levels, my happiness, etc. -- which would translate into a reduction or disappearance of the tremors. I was kind of banking on North Carolina being the remedy. But obviously, I need to reframe. I'm trying to minimize my stress levels, but that hasn't really been working lately, obviously.
My grandparents bought me an air conditioner, which feels like a delicious luxury here in NYC. Makes me never want to leave the house even more.
Monday, June 10, 2013
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