Bram Stoker must have known Manhattan parents.

Today was Lindsay's memorial service. I didn't/couldn't go. I had work and didn't plan ahead to ask off and carpool up to Buffalo. Things have just been crazy insane, it feels like, between work, reading, writing, endless fatigue and daily life chores. It's hard to explain. It's been busy.

Manhattan parents, as always, have been a source of astonishment/frustration/disgust/and then some. Can someone, PLEASE tell me the point of smash cakes? They're exactly what they sound like. For a child's first birthday, it's a small cake the child SMASHES and mashes into their face and outfit, while everyone cooes over how cute they are. And people pay top dollar to have custom-made, expensive smash cakes. Then, a dad came into the store with a bag full of Eleni's cupcakes, all frosted and sparkly and personalized Happy Birthday-ed out -- at nearly $50 for a dozen, he had at least two dozen. And he picks up a picture book for the kid. I get that you want a memorable birthday. But if you're giving your daughter a picture book, do you think she gives a shit if her cupcakes are from Eleni's? Save yourself some money and go to Magnolia Bakery. Or - gasp - just get store-bought ones. Whole Foods actually has really nice ones. If you REALLY feel like roughing it, you could make them YOURSELF. Or have the nanny do it. Sigh. I just don't get it. And you - yeah, you, the mother who loads up on workbooks for her daughter so she "has an edge" on the other kids come September? Buying books that are a grade ahead to give her that "edge?" You keep going, and she's gonna fall off that edge. Take my word for it. Or not. But it won't be pretty.
And the babies and toddlers learning Mandarin. Another thing I don't get. Is this to trot them out as shoe ponies, showing how smart they are, that they are learning a super hard, culturally sophisticated language? Wouldn't, say, Spanish, be more useful? Hell, I wish I knew Spanish.
Then -- then -- I almost lost it this morning. This morning! Early! I hear banging and smearing on the front window - these kids are jumping and then smearing their hands down the front windows, and their parents are standing RIGHT THERE, looking at them, talking to them, seemingly having a normal conversation. Honestly, I was thisclose to walking outside and asking them to control their children. I just think that's complete disregard for other's property and outright disrespect. My parents would not have tolerated that behavior with my brother and I - we don't tolerate that behavior NOW, with Trey -- and he would never even think to DO that. I just am amazed at the entitled behavior of these little monsters sometimes. Really. It's like The Nanny Diaries, but multiplied a thousand times.

Then there are the sweet grandmothers who come in and I help them find books for their granddaughters, or we talk about the original Nancy Drew mysteries, and I tell them that I read them from my grandmother. Or the kids who are so genuinely mannerly and thankful for your help.....these are the rare ones. But it's nice when it happens.

I still really don't understand the need for multiple books about giving up pacifiers or diapers. I'm not sure how I feel about the AIDS books for kids in the "special topics" section. (when did we become a society that even needs a special topics section? My favorite title in this section is "No one wants a nuclear war." NO. SHIT.). Kid, you shouldn't even know what nuclear war IS.

But there are mixed messages. We do carry the Magic Fairies series, which is cute, I admit. There's a bunch - the Weather Fairy series, the Music Fairy series, the Sports Fairy series, the Color Fairy series. All is well and good until the fucking FASHION FAIRY series. Really? Do we really have to carry this? The Accessory Fairy? The BEAUTY Fairy? If you're going to tell me that it's so important to be progressive and have Meaningful Picture Books downstairs with Deep Messages, why do we have the Fashion Fairies? This causes way more anger than it really should.
Deep breath. I just figure my kid will get stuck with Madeline, Paddington, Corduroy, Dr. Seuss, PD Eastman, Berenstein Bears, Curious George, Eric Carle books, Beatrix Potter....classics. I don't need witty "word play" books or gender-neutral characters or whatever. If you do, more power to you.

They're kind of like vampires, Manhattan parents. They suck the life and energy right out of you. And most of my college classmates are these people. Lord help me.