I keep waiting for the feeling of happiness, or at least pride, to kick in, about my MPH, but it just isn't. I simply cannot muster up the enthusiasm. That's me, Debbie Downer, MPH. In many ways, I just kind of wish I could have a huge do-over. As in, go back to when I applied to undergrad as a pre-med, and actually follow that course. Right now, my life feels like a series of mistakes and regrets. Maybe I'm just having a bad day today, I don't know. I mean, in some ways, I am able to see where the path, though not linear, has stayed in the general course of medicine/healthcare/oncology, but mostly, I feel like I haven't done anything useful with my life so far. I hate feeling this way. Aaron Beck would have me do cognitive reframing, but I think I'm gonna need a lot more than that to climb this summit.
2 comments:
Screw Aaron Beck.....just go out and have some country fried steak, hush puppies,& a good old corn dog. Don't forget the potato chips and the ice cream ala Paula Dean....."grey skies are gonna clear up....put on a happy face....and spread sunshine all over the place....just put on a ..." well- you know the rest..remember- it is NOT important what you are- it is more important in being WHO you are....and you are important to SOOOO many people right now and always.....Love you forever- your personal cheerleader and you are still my hero- you have done so much in so little years....you have a lifetime to do wonderous things my Mouse.....MM
There is so much for you to be proud of!! I get where you are coming from though cause many times I too focus on the negatives and what could've been instead of what is...
It is so weird how I read all about all that you have accomplished and who you are and think you are great and you can see yourself as the opposite.
I do that too, I am my toughest critic and, even though those that care about me are proud of me, I don't feel like I am good enough.
You might decide to keep going or choose a different direction career-wise but be proud of what you have accomplished so far !!!!!
I love this quote:
"I have tried to say what happiness is, how we make it, how we lose it, and how we sometimes walk past it without recognizing it. Happiness isn't somewhere else, it's where we are. It isn't something we don't have, we do. It isn't fantasy, it's reality experienced in a certain way. Happiness is a close relative of faith."
~ Celebrating Life, Rabbi Jonathan Sacks
peace, hope and love,
Lily
Post a Comment