Kay Yow, part 2

As I blogged about this past weekend, NC State's women's basketball coach Kay Yow passed away from breast cancer on Saturday, and here in Carolina, it's a pretty big deal. There's a memorial ceremony being broadcast on Friday, and Hoops for Hope (which she was helping to advertise) will occur in early February, and this time, it will be a celebration of her life. I think it's important to honor everything she did (she was a coach for the USA women's basketball team in the 1988 Seoul Olympics, among many other things), but I just hate the "battle" imagery they use. Like, "she lost her battle". She didn't lose anything. She fought like hell for 20 years. She managed her cancer for 20 years and coached lots of players. She got 20 more years with her family, while being able to have a happy and productive life, and had good quality of life. She didn't lose. 

Nike.com has several products whose proceeds go to the Kay Yow/WBCA (women's basketball coaches association) Cancer Fund. On February 1, the "think pink" collection will debut, with sneakers and clothes, among other things. I am currently fiending for a pair of pink basketball sneakers and the pink t-shirt. So maybe, wouldn't it be nice, when all the Valentine's day stuff starts being shoved down our throats, that we ignore all the Hallmark Holiday paraphenalia, and buy some pink things that actually help other people? You have to wear t-shirts and sneakers anyway - why not buy things that are for a good cause? Or donate to a cancer fund or organization in your loved one's honor/memory. Or volunteer your time Valentine's day weekend at a hospital, make Valentines for kids who are in the hospital....or simply hug those you love and tell them you're happy they're alive. 

PhD ponderings

What would I look like without hair? I met with someone from St.Baldrick's tonight, which is an organization that raises money for pediatric cancer research by holding head-shaving events. I mean, hair grows back...and it's for a good cause. I probably won't shave my head, but I'm certainly pondering it. Of course, if I don't get into a PhD program, I don't think it would be so good to have a shaved head with job interviews, and my graduation pictures might not look so great. 

Speaking of PhD programs, I'm getting incredibly anxious. And I know it's stupid to be so anxious, because people have REAL problems, and here I am, worried about this. But I just feel like I've worked my ass off for this, and this is my dream - and if I miss this shot......well....I'm not sure how I will feel. I'm not sure if I can forgive myself if I don't get in. I don't think I've wanted anything as much as I want this. If I don't get into a program, I feel like everything I've done is a waste. And I know I shouldn't feel that way, but I do. 

I need to do some cognitive reframing. Where's Aaron Beck when you need him?

yet another gratuitous picture of my nephew, the cutest kid ever

How cute is this picture? 

Kay Yow

Kay Yow, NC State's women's basketball coach, passed away yesterday morning from a recurrence of her breast cancer. When I had read about her story a month or so ago, I knew it had to be pretty bad (she also took a leave of absence from coaching), but I certainly didn't expect it to be so fast. This just sucks. 

baby mama drama, Master's thesis, and snow...good times.

It actually SNOWED here yesterday - a good 4 inches or so, which is like, unheard of. I didn't really think it would snow, until I woke up in the morning and looked out my window. It was really nice to see snow. 

So, I don't know if I've posted on here about this.....but I'm sure everyone knows Lance Armstrong will be a daddy in June....well, I know his baby mama! Anna was in my group at the Summit this past summer, when we were broken down into groups of like, 10 people. She and I walked back to the auditorium together one day, and she told me that Lance had hit on her, but he was "kind of skeezy". Um, yeah. Not too skeezy, as it turns out. Craziness. And now she's having his baby. wow. Lance, just so you know, you missed your chance, buddy. I was there in OH, in Anna's group, and your penchant for blondes led you to overlook me. Your loss. 

School's been really busy, and I'm a little overwhelmed with work. I've decided on a thesis topic, and I'm going back to my original choice - AYA cancer survivorship. I'm not sure what approach I am using, but I have a little time to figure it out. 

I often think about my summer at Memorial, because it was the best summer of my life so far. It really opened up my eyes that, yes, this is what I want to do with my life. I seriously enjoyed every single day I got up to go to work. I never dreaded going. How many people can honestly say that? And I wasn't even getting paid! But I remember each morning, getting to my subway stop, and emerging onto the muggy, humid sidewalks, and going straight to Dunkin' Donuts for my morning iced coffee and bagel. And on the way home, the familiar routine....I miss it. As much as living in New York is a struggle, and financial nightmare, there's something about it that I love. And now, if by some miracle I do get into Columbia, do I go back? It depends on where else I would get in....which is a whole other ball of angst that I'm not dealing with tonight. I've been thinking a lot about my summer experience, mainly because I was really torn about my thesis topic -- I just felt so burnt out from cancer - I couldn't escape it in my academic life, my personal life, the books I read - and I needed a break. But when I tried to think of another topic I wanted to spend the semester studying and pouring my heart into, I drew a blank. There's nothing else I want to be doing. This is my passion. And I feel pretty good about my decision. I don't want this thesis to be just another paper. I want it to be a representation of who I am and what I can become. I want it to be my heart and soul and mind on paper. I want my readers to be inspired and excited. I want it to be a foreshadowing of what I will do in the field. It will be something I am proud of, knowing that I poured my life and soul into it, bound it, and turned it in. I want my enthusiasm to leap off the pages and move others to take action. And this all needs to be done by the end of April. 

the first week back

It is COLD here. And not that wimpy "I'm from the South so I'm not used to cold" cold. I mean cold. I love North Carolina, but not when it's cold like this! brrrr. 

I'm almost done my first week of the semester....and for the first time in perhaps forever, I have class on Friday. Not fun. I got to my Pediatric Pharmacotherapy class today and was greeted with a quiz, with material I had NO CLUE how to do. So I introduced myself to the professor, and reminded her that I was the public health student who studies cancer and that's why I'm taking her class.....and she laughed and told me not to worry about this week's quiz, and oh yeah she forgot to tell me, the School of Pharmacy started their semester LAST WEEK. So I actually missed the first class. Sweet. 

This weekend, UNC plays UMiami in men's bball....and I'm going to the game! Gosh, my two teams playing each other.....it's going to be hard to root against Miami, but obviously, I'll be wearing my Carolina blue. oh well. Hopefully the Heels can get it together and actually win a game right now. 

and the final semester starts.......

It feels like forever since I've blogged on here.....my friend Carrie came in last Tuesday, so I didn't have time to post. We did a lot of things Chapel Hill-esque......we had yummy cupcakes at Sugarland, walked on Franklin St, went to the Carolina brewery, shopped at Cameron's, had brunch at A Southern Season....we also saw two movies (Benjamin Button and Gran Torino). It was a tiring week, but it was great seeing her again. 

There was also a very weird experience for me while she was here -- and I'm not sure people can understand unless they were in Carolina last year. So, I bank at Wachovia. And the bank near me is right next door to a Bank of America. More specifically, the Bank of America that Eve Carson was driven to the night she was killed. Many times, when I've hit the ATM at night after babysitting, it's crossed my mind that she was driven through that ATM, most likely terrified and planning how she could run. But Carrie needed money, and she does her banking there, so I drove through the same exact ATM drive-through that Eve did. And for some reason, that really, really weirded me out. It was spooky and I didn't like it. Then, I guess because of that, she showed up in my dream that night. I dreamt I was driving with her - she was in my passenger seat - and she kept telling me to find her toothbrush, that it'll explain everything. It was very weird. I woke up thoroughly spooked. 

Classes start tomorrow, but thankfully I only have one class on Mondays, and not even every Monday -- Neurotraumatic Injuries in Sports Medicine. It should be a neat class. Thinking about the semester, though, is kind of nerve-wracking. I have 3 classes plus my thesis, research work, and finding out about PhD programs. If I don't get into a PhD program, I know that it will absolutely crush me. Crush me. But to start off the semester, I got a new messenger bag to carry my books -- one that most people would probably NEVER expect me to carry. I'm usually a Vineyard Vines tote gal, or a North Face backpack, if I have a long day ahead of me.....but I found the tokidoki Le Sportsac bags, and fell in love with them. Something about the fun prints made me smile, and I think just looking at the bags brightens your day. Check out tokidoki here. 

I had a thesis topic - AYA cancer survivorship - but I'm feeling kind of saturated with cancer lately.....so I'm not sure I want to do that so much.....but I can't really see me doing anything else but something in oncology. I'm thinking maybe doing something in integrative oncology, which incorporates complementary and alternative therapies with traditional Western medicine. I'm not a total believer in everything, which could be kind of interesting. 

last post of 2008!

My nephew, obviously. Adorable.

Starbucks, possibly my most favorite thing ever.

Confession: I watch "The Hills" on MTV. It's a guilty pleasure, much like my love of reading young adult novels like Gossip Girl. It's brain candy - I don't have to think, I just chill out. So when Whitney moved to NY and they created a spin-off show, "The City", I was pretty excited, being that, HELLO, I love Manhattan. Sadly, I could only watch the first 10 minutes or so. SO boring. And I had to laugh - they described Whitney's "uptown" and "downtown" friends - and her "downtown" friend, Erin, lives in Gramercy. Um, Gramercy is NOT downtown. And a socialite is not exactly the best representation of uptown. But I digress. 

My week up North was a nice break. I got to see my nephew, celebrated Chanukkah and Christmas, saw family, and did lots of reading. I saw old co-workers, which was fun, and visited a family I used to nanny for. It was really nice to see everyone again. But the funniest thing was when my mother and I went to Starbucks the night before I left, and we've been to this Starbucks a million times before, but for some reason, as she was backing out of her parking space, she forgot there was an island there and as she pulled away, my mother totally ran over the island. hahaha! It's a good thing she has a big SUV, b/c she would have totally ruined the undercarriage of a car. She was all, "where did that come from? that came out of nowhere!", as I'm laughing hysterically in the passenger seat. And I'm sure everyone in Starbucks saw her, too, which just adds to the hilarity. (She's going to kill me for blogging this!)

Anyone always see those Calphalon cookingware commercials? Everytime I see the convection oven one (which is quite a lot, since it's ALWAYS on), I'm reminded about the fact that until very recently -- say, a year ago -- I thought it was CONFECTION oven, not CONVECTION oven. I simply thought it was an oven where one bakes sweets. I don't know, I don't cook, it sounded like it. Now I know. But I still don't cook. 

I came back to NC early so I could do some research and reading in preparation for the upcoming semester, since I'm taking a sports medicine class and a pharmacy class, both of which are new for me. It's pretty low-key here, since most people aren't back yet. But I like it that way - it's quiet, and I can get work done and go to the gym, and sleep in, which is something I rarely get to do once the semester starts. I also am re-thinking my topic for my Master's Paper.....I don't know. I wanted to do something about pediatric cancer survivors and late effects, but sometimes - and I know this is bad - I reach saturation point about cancer. I can't even explain it. But I'm debating switching my topic, which is bad, since I really don't have that much time to figure it out, really. 

Reading: Girl Meets God, by Lauren Winner

Listening: Paramore

to the customers at the B&N in Durham:

The people who are wrapping gifts for donations do NOT mean that they will wrap your whole 3 big shopping bags of B&N goodies for your lousy donation of a dollar or two. And the people behind you do not appreciate it when you have a stack - yes, a STACK - of books and DVDs awaiting wrapping, with bags of unwrapped things on the floor, while a line forms behind you. Buy your own wrapping paper, you cheapskate. 

Also, when you go to wait in line for the cashier - yes, there is a sign that says "line up here" with an arrow. But that does NOT mean the line goes straight into the aisles of the bookstore. There is an aisle that is cleared parallel to the registers explicitly for this reason. There is no good reason why people should think that the link would snake around aisles of the bookstore while the aisle near the registers is free and clear. 

and don't think I'm letting you customers at Starbucks off so easy, either - if you don't know what you want, don't get in line and stand up at the register endlessly debating drinks! There are people behind you who need their caffeine fix and are getting more annoyed by the minute at you. step out of line, figure out what you want, and get back in line. 

thank you. 

confessions.

sometimes, I eat peanut butter right out of the jar. i drink way too much caffeine. i obsess over the pottery barn kids catalog, planning future nurseries for my kids as i read. i love catalogs. every morning, as i eat my breakfast, i read nytimes.com. i want to go to medical school but am terrified i would never get in. i also want to be a writer, and sometimes i don't see how these mix. i like to eat Cool Whip by the spoonful. i'm very picky about my starbucks drinks and will send it back if it's not skim or if it has whipped cream. sometimes i think i'm too serious. i sometimes wonder what the hell i'm doing with my life. i miss the boys i used to babysit for. a lot. i love my nephew so much it physically hurts - this is that primal, instinctual love that i think parents have. i obsess about bugaboo strollers. i don't like that i'm getting older and getting wrinkles. i have angel wings tattooed on my back and though they will probably show in whatever dress i wear for my wedding, i don't care because i love them so much. i put my M&Ms in the refrigerator before i eat them. i voted Republican (for the first time ever) in this election for the presidency but then voted straight Democrat for everything else. i miss playing rugby. i like when i have laryngitis and have a hoarse voice, because then my voice doesn't sound so prissy and like i'm 10 years old. i could finish off a large pizza by myself. no lie. i used to be able to run 2 - 3 miles at a time in college. i wish i could do that again. i hate mixing nike and adidas - like if i'm wearing a nike shirt, i have to wear nike shoes. no mixing. i probably straighten my hair too much, although i'm working on that. if i got into the PhD programs at UNC, Yale, and Columbia, I honestly don't know which one i would choose right now. people tend to tell me i'm an overachiever, but i mostly feel like a big slacker and like everyone is doing more than me. libraries and bookstores are some of my most favorite places. i miss Manhattan more than i probably should. i also love Chapel Hill, though, which is confusing. i seriously adore the robins' egg blue Tiffany boxes. i miss my job at MSKCC nearly every day, and i wasn't even getting paid for it. even if they all taste the same, if given a choice, i will choose the cupcake with the pink frosting.