Tuesday, January 27, 2009

PhD ponderings

What would I look like without hair? I met with someone from St.Baldrick's tonight, which is an organization that raises money for pediatric cancer research by holding head-shaving events. I mean, hair grows back...and it's for a good cause. I probably won't shave my head, but I'm certainly pondering it. Of course, if I don't get into a PhD program, I don't think it would be so good to have a shaved head with job interviews, and my graduation pictures might not look so great. 
Speaking of PhD programs, I'm getting incredibly anxious. And I know it's stupid to be so anxious, because people have REAL problems, and here I am, worried about this. But I just feel like I've worked my ass off for this, and this is my dream - and if I miss this shot......well....I'm not sure how I will feel. I'm not sure if I can forgive myself if I don't get in. I don't think I've wanted anything as much as I want this. If I don't get into a program, I feel like everything I've done is a waste. And I know I shouldn't feel that way, but I do. 
I need to do some cognitive reframing. Where's Aaron Beck when you need him?

4 comments:

Ms. Amanda Grace said...

Hello there :) No actually I go to Fredonia State, but the class is amazing and the professor is one of the only ones in our area who teaches it so we're very lucky to have him :)

Obsessedwithlife said...

Good luck with everything!!

Miriam said...

my perspective is if you don't get in this year, you can always work for a year and apply again. if it's really what you want to do, then it'll happen (whether it's this year or the next or the next)! I know that's not totally reassuring, because you'd then have to figure out what you're doing next year, but life tends to work out... :)

Anonymous said...

There- someone else said it...work for a year, and try another program the following year. Even during the darkest night, the dawn comes around and life is renewed. You will see your light when it comes to you. In the meantime, don't be so hard on yourself.
MM