Lance, Lance, Lance.....

is this perfection, or what?

Oh, Lance....how I love you. I don't know if you've heard, but Lance is returning to professional cycling with the mission to raise awareness of the "global burden of cancer". Which is admirable. He is going to discuss the whole thing on September 24th. *sigh*. 

Manhattan, I just can't shake you

                                  

So, I was talking to my grandmother tonight, and she was telling me about her day in NY seeing a show and going for dinner, and she mentioned how she passed Bergdorf Goodman, and that "that part of the city is much nicer than the Times Sq area." I was like, um, that's because it's the Upper East Side! And it made me miss MSKCC, because if you go just a few blocks east and south of Bergdorf's, that's where I worked. Good times indeed. It made me miss the chaotic-ness of the city, the feeling that even at 2am, there's life going on outside. It made me miss 10pm walks to Pinkberry with Jessi, and sitting on the steps of the 92nd st Y, and obsessing about maybe one day owning a place in the Yorkville Towers, and walking to the best falafel place EVER. And what made me miss NY even more was that my research TA gave me an article on adolescent cancer survivors and health behavior, and in the article they wrote, "As Ford and Ostroff have mentioned...."!!! Um, HELLO, I worked with them!!! It was so neat to see that and be like, yup, I know them. Needless to say, that REALLY made me miss MSKCC. It's been a really difficult adjustment getting used to school again. I thought it would be done by now, but I'm definitely still reconciling that. So for now, at least until I can get back to Manhattan over winter break, I have to be content with wearing lots of black, daydreaming of Dylan's Candy Bar and Pinkberry, and eating lots of bagels. (Although, again, doesn't compare to H&H bagels). Such a love/hate relationship I have with the city. 

this is what my degree in women's studies taught me.

So.....where to begin.....I was working out at the gym  - yes, I joined a gym, and I actually GO - and I was watching CNN on one of the tvs while on the treadmill, and saw the whole story of how Sarah Palin is under fire for various parenting choices she's made, and people are upset that she's running even though her teenage daughter is pregnant and her son has Down Syndrome....though I am no a fan of Palin, and am definitely not voting for her, I find it interesting that she - the sole WOMAN now in the running - is the only one whose parenting choices and actions are being scrutinized. Did anyone question Bush's parenting choices about his twins?? What difference does it make if her child has special healthcare needs? And last time I checked, how many OTHER 16 year old girls are having sex? The difference is that Bristol Palin got caught. And how many parents can actually control their children's behavior, let alone sexual behavior? Do I find it gleefully ironic that an abstinence-only sex education, anti-choice politician has a knocked-up daughter? Of course. Do I think that the mom should be held responsible? No. And I think we all need to remember just how YOUNG Bristol is. She's 16 or 17. That is really young to be in the national spotlight, being torn apart and scrutinized. We need to leave her out of the media feeding frenzy. If Sarah Palin were a man, would her parenting skills and choices be called into question? I highly doubt it. It is sad that in the year 2008 I even have to blog about this. It's sad that women still don't earn the same as men, dollar-to-dollar. It's sad that women have to plan their careers with an eye toward childbearing and the "mommy track". We are damned if we do, damned if we don't. If we stay at home to raise children, we're "not REALLY working"; if we go back to work, we're "bad" mothers or "unnatural". If we hire a nanny, we're snobs, if we don't, we're martyrs. Enough is enough already. Let's stop tearing down other women to avoid getting ripped apart ourselves. Why don't we acknowledge that none of our choices are easy - but they're our choices, and should be respected as such. 

Added later, while watching Palin's speech at the RNC:

You know, she is a tough cookie. She really is a good speaker.....and she's proving she's smart and tough and, indeed, making another crack in that glass ceiling. I'm not a fan of hers as of right now, but I have to give her props. 

And doesn't she look like Tina Fey, from SNL? I half expect her to call up Amy Poehler on stage and do Weekend Update. Her hair is amazing. 

another chapter in the romantic saga of my relationship with Manhattan

 

So. The new season of Gossip Girl started tonight, and it made me miss New York a lot. Most of it was in the Hamptons, but the whole spirit of summer in the city was there, and it made me nostalgic for the summer.....something I've been a lot lately. In a strange way, I miss the frenetic abruptness of the morning rush, the brusque people at Dunkin' Donuts who came to know my breakfast order, and the muggy steaminess of mid-summer mornings. I miss careening cab rides up Madison and pizza at 2am at the bar and late-night walks to Barnes & Noble with my roommate and even the shady people at the bodega on 90th. I miss Jessica telling me about Fit Flops, and commisserating about lack of space for shoes, and texting about self-imposed shopping limits and our crazy neighbor Amy and the giant cockroaches in the bathroom. *sigh*. Good times. 

But then I have to slap some reality into myself and remind myself that, hello? Every morning I would grumble under my breath about rude people who pushed me out of the way on the subway, waiting for trains in the godawful heat while my hair turned into a giant Jew-fro, I'd never have enough money, and got annoyed at incompetent cab drivers. But is it a small price to pay for living in the city? 

I think the jury's still out on this.....again. In last week's issue of New York magazine there's a great article about people who moved out of NY, and this excerpt sums it up....."...New York requires of these dreamers that they pursue two simultaneous lives:the romantic, invigorating, spectacular life you imagine for yourself, and the expensive, often dispiriting, intermittently grueling day-to-day life you have to lead in order to keep that dream alive. This is exhilarating. This is exhausting. This is what New York is all about.....But the problem is, you can't simply leave New York - you have to QUIT New York. You have to admit to yourself and the world that you're packing it in, calling it a day, turning out the lights...." 

Why should you watch the DNC

So....I normally shy away from posting political stuff. I used to be quite a spitfire, never shying away from a good debate. And sometimes, I still get into the political scuffle with my dad and cousin, but at school, in class, I tend to shy away from it. I'm not here to change their opinions, I think we can agree to disagree on things. But I have to post about tonight's events at the DNC. Honestly, as I get older (and I shudder to admit this), I find myself leaning toward Republican ideals re:fiscal things, and things like malpractice. But damn, I love Hillary Clinton. I voted for her for President, and wish with all my heart that Obama had chosen her for VP. Years ago, I read her autobiography, Living History. And tonight, watching her speak, the hair on my arms stood on end. I got chills. She is one tough woman. And I mean that with the highest respect and admiration. 

To run for president - to simply be a woman in the man's world of politics - is stunning. It's admirable. Just thinking about speaking in front of millions of people like she has, terrifies me. And she has persevered, she has faced criticism from the press, from her peers, her opponents.....in a time when it is still somehow "acceptable" for even members of the press to call Hillary a "bitch", and for people to make disparaging remarks about her body to try and tear her down, she has stood tall and unapologetic. She is smart and sassy, ambitious, and tenacious. Little girls watching this election process see this, and that makes me proud. Running for President is so risky - the possibility of failure is so real - and she lost the nomination this time around, but she handled it with grace and dignity. She didn't shrink back in defeat - she stepped up to the plate and has truly proven herself to be an amazing individual. There is a strength in her that comes from a fighting spirit, and we can all learn from that. 

Plus, George Stephanopolous is hot. Even if he IS short. 

So I read about this over breakfast.....

In today's New York Times, there's an article about a new test for women and ovarian cancer. It's a blood test that aims to catch ovarian cancer in an early, treatable stage - which is great, because only about 20% of ovarian cancers are caught at an early stage, when it's still confined to the ovaries and has a high survival rate. After it has spread, only about 30% of patients survive 5 years. The test is called OvaSure, was developed at Yale, and has been available through LabCorp since June. Good news, right? Not so much. The Society for Gynecologic Oncologists issued a statement almost immediately saying that in their opinion, it has not been validated enough. Many gyn-oncologists believe this is being used to capitalize on women's fears, and may lead to unnecessary operations, more tests, and stress. 

Most people have heard of the CA-125 blood test, which is a tumor marker blood test - but this is better used in women who already have ovarian cancer, to track the disease's progression, rather than as a screening tool, because of unreliable results. 

So where does this leave us? Essentially, right where we are. The symptoms of ovarian cancer are so generalized that many women don't really think anything of it - bloating, feelings of fullness, pelvic pain/pressure, urinary urgency/frequency, changes in appetite - see what I mean? This is why, by the time it is often diagnosed, ovarian cancer is in its later stages and notoriously hard to cure. (I hate that word, "cure", but that's a different story). 

alternative thinking

I'm not sure where to start with this post. About a year ago I stumbled upon this book called crazysexycancer tips. You may have seen Kris (the author) on Oprah - she also did a documentary on TLC (I think) entitled crazysexycancer. It was basically her story about having an incurable, indolent cancer and learning how to make herself as healthy as she could, and live WITH cancer. Though I don't always agree with everything she writes (she's a big advocate of raw foods, juicing, complementary/alternative meds, etc), I like her attitude and think she's a positive person. She has a website, sort of like a web community, and I've been part of it for probably about 6 months now, or something like that....and it's getting harder for me to digest much of what is written. Many of these people have cancer, or have a family member with cancer, and are big proponents of CAM (complementary/alternative medicine). Don't get me wrong, CAM has its place - in conjunction with Western medicine. But when a chemo patient is posting that their oncologist told them to stay away from raw food and other people are telling this patient "no, it's fine, don't listen to him", I feel the need to step in and say, there's a reason he told you that - your immune system is decimated by the chemo and you need to minimize your chance of infection. PLEASE talk to your oncologist about it. Needless to say, much of the time, this is either ignored or debated. I feel like many of these patients aren't talking to their oncologists, and it's worrisome to me. One woman posted about having a mastectomy last week and she is trying to decide whether or not to do chemo. Cancer was also found in her lymph nodes. She was exploring "alternative" treatments. It took all my willpower not to post anything, and just to close the screen. Of course, it's an individual choice about whether to do chemo. But one of her reasons was watching her mom go through it decades ago for Hodgkins. Things are much, much different now - yes, I will fully admit that it's still a toxic experience and we need more body-friendly treatments, but for now, it's the best we have. I just worry about patients like this because, like I saw at the breast cancer conference back in Feb, when someone is really, really sick, they'll grab onto anything that provides a kernel of hope. Anything. And when someone posts about how they "cured" cervical dysplasia with their diet, or how vaccines are bad, or how they won't even eat fruit because of the sugar and so forth, it's really hard for me to read this with an open mind. 

As I progress further and further in my academic career and down the path of my journey in oncology, I'm beginning to want more empirically-based information, more info backed up by hard facts. I don't know........I guess maybe I'm torn between being cynical and being hopeful. 

middle ground

Oh. My. G-d. I am exhausted. I babysat the twins today for 4.5 hours, and let me tell you - it is definitely a full-time job, as all kids are. But there's two of them. It's A LOT harder than I thought....and I wasn't expecting it to be easy. But when neither one is eating lunch and you're trying to calm a screaming baby and trying to feed the other one without getting food all over the place, it's hard. Then they smile at you with their big gummy smiles, so honest and innocent, and you fall in love with them all over again. 

Still trying to figure out some sort of time management/schoolwork routine and trying not to get too overwhelmed . I had a huge craving for Zabar's hamentashen today. And an H&H bagel. And, of course, Pinkberry. I miss feeling like I was living on the pulse of everything. It's a dynamic energy in the air in Manhattan that can be overstimulating and overwhelming, but also very exciting and satisfying. I'm trying to find that middle ground between NY and Chapel Hill again. I miss my work at MSKCC a lot, and often think of it. I miss that singular focus on oncology and everything that goes with it. I miss being in an environment where the passion for it is almost palpable. I miss feeling like my work is actually making a difference. This summer, I woke up every morning, excited to get on the subway and go downtown to work. I did work on the weekends and enjoyed it. I miss that. 

"Believe that your life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact." - William James, American psychologist and philosopher (thanks, K!)

picture time again!

Are these not the cutest things you've ever seen? Of course, I'm a little biased. I miss my baby nephew!! 

decisions

Today was my first day of classes, complete with riding the bus to school......and though it was a very, VERY long day, and I am exhausted, I feel pretty good about it. My work is definitely cut out for me this semester, and if I think too long about it, I'm a little overwhelmed. But I just won't think about it. 

In other news, Christina Applegate, who is 36 years old, went public with the news that she had a double mastectomy three weeks ago and will undergo reconstruction over the next 8 months. Her breast cancer was caught early through a doctor-ordered MRI because of her mother's breast cancer history, and only in one breast, but she elected for a prophylactic double mastectomy because she tested positive for the BRCA 1 mutation. Personally, I think her decision was a brave one, and when faced with a life-threatening situation, the desire to live and be healthy overrides everything. People act like losing a breast and having reconstruction is the worst thing in the world, but I think it is a small price to pay for taking your health into your own hands and gaining some peace of mind. But, everyone is different. Our society puts so much emphasis on women's bodies, and our sexuality and femininity are so wrapped up in our physical selves that to drastically alter them like this really makes people uncomfortable. People get even MORE uncomfortable if the decision is made NOT to have reconstruction. Audre Lorde wrote about this in her awesome book The Cancer Diaries.