I was rereading old blog entries because I was really missing NY/MSKCC, and I read the entry where I went to the lecture by that woman from Harvard Business School. She said that everything looks like a failure from the middle - but it's really NOT a failure, unless you give up. I need to remind myself of that. I really do miss NY. I miss it a lot. I miss NY bagels. I miss all the ethnic food, especially the awesome falafel. I miss Pinkberry. I miss Jamba Juice and walking past Dalton and walking along Madison and the pinkaliciouness of the Juicy Couture store. I miss Bergdorf's and Fifth Ave and Scoop. I miss Columbus Circle and Central Park West and the Park and even the subway. I even miss - gasp - downtown. I miss Duane Reade and late night trips to B&N with Jessica. I even miss the crankiness of the people at my Dunkin' Donuts near Memorial. I console myself with the thought that I will go back to the city for a day during spring break. And who knows? Maybe if Columbia accepts me, I'll be living on the UWS again.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
pass the prozac, please.
*sigh*. I'm struggling. There, I said it. I'm struggling with being overwhelmed and over-stressed. I haven't found my groove yet this semester, which is bothersome, and I hope I find it soon. I'm worried sick over PhD program decisions, and the overall uncertainty is killing me. I'm uncertain where I will be after July, what I will be doing, who I will live with, where I will live, etc. And right now, I have no control over any of this, which makes it even worse and more nerve-wracking. I'm exhausted all the time, I think because the nerves and stress tire me out. I try and relieve stress by going to the gym and doing guided imagery, but my brain just keeps working overtime. I feel like once I know about school, things will get easier. Or less stressful. And of course, things will get A LOT less stressful by 5pm on April 24th, when my Master's Paper is due.
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2 comments:
Been there/done that... when a multitude of life's unknowns and uncertainties loomed ahead like a black hole. From personal experience, may I say that stressing over it all and allowing myself the indulgence of wallowing in self-focus was a real waste of time and energy. What helped me put things into perspective was to sit down with a calendar to note deadlines and make a realistic planning schedule so that prioritized tasks could be completed in an orderly manner and on time. I set dates-- "I will not be concerned about [fill in the blank] until after..."
Then I said a simple little prayer that has served me well time and again. "Dear Lord, my life is in your hands. Please protect me, guide me, and allow me to live my life to your glory, as the best person that I can be. Do with me what you will."
It is amazing how getting organized and giving over ultimate control is liberating and allows me a sense of directed power, as well as internal calm and peace.
You're smart and strong. Try to clear your mind while exercising, and let your muscles and sinew do the talking. I know that you will be fine.
If it makes you feel any better, there's a Jamba Juice in Lenoir (the dining hall on main campus) and the bubble tea place now has some kind of frozen yogurt. I want to go try it sometime!
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