Five years ago today was the Virginia Tech massacre. I remember it as if it were yesterday. I was working at the doctor's office, waiting to hear about admission to UNC, and it was snowing, oddly enough. My brother's girlfriend was starting to have contractions, and I got my tax refund that day. Funny, the things we remember. Five years ago today was the last day of my life without my sweet nephew. Once he was born, I became Aunt JJ. It's like I was programmed to protect him. I wonder if that's what it's like when you become a parent, that immediate, inborn instinct to care for and protect.
Every year since he turned one, I have been writing him letters on his birthday. One day, when he is old enough, I hope to bind them and give them to him in a book. Here is this year's.
Dear Trey,
It is so hard to believe that you are already five years old. You have brought a lifetime of joy, love, smiles and laughter to so many in the past five years -- it is hard to remember life without you.
Five years ago, you showed me what love can do. You expanded my heart and reminded me what pure joy felt like. And you continue to do so more and more every day.
You are an observant, sensitive, smart little boy, and sometimes I want to scoop you up and keep you in a bubble to protect you from pain and hurt. That's not possible, so I love and protect you as best I can, along with everyone else who adores you - and there are plenty of us. I watch you write your name or trace numbers, and you are so focused on doing well that it makes me so proud of you. I am always proud of you, and always will be - your tenacity is striking, even at such a young age. I will always be proud of the person you are, with your kind heart and caring soul.
When you tell me, "JJ, I love Barnes and Nobles, do YOU love Barnes and Nobles?", it makes me laugh, because I am so happy to share my love of books and games with you. I love our times there together and I look forward to many, many more years of going there with you.
I am not your mother, but right now, you are the closest thing I have to a child of my own, and being your aunt is a role I am honored to fill. I ache when you are upset or when you cry, and I would lay down my life in a second to save yours, without question. You have shown me the kind of person I am and the kind of mother I will be, and that means everything to me.
You see magic in the most mundane things, and your simple happiness at climbing trees or chasing butterflies makes my heart light. As you grow up, I find myself wanting time to slow down or even stop, so I can spend as much time as possible with you. I am so happy I was able to be there for your birthday this year, and to see your first t-ball game. I know you are shy sometimes, and are easily overwhelmed. It's okay, that's how I was too - even now, I can be really shy. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about that. You take your time getting to know people, and you stay true to yourself and your interests. Keep trying new things, and if one thing doesn't work out, there's lots of other things to try. Your nurturing personality and love for animals is touching, and I wonder if you will become a veterinarian. You will be able to do anything you put your mind to, of this I am certain. Never doubt yourself or the support and love you have from others, and know that we are always here for you.
Every year, I am grateful that I became your aunt. We are lucky to have you.
Love you, boo.
Aunt JJ
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