last year.

Yesterday marked a year since my car accident. I think that was the scariest day of my life. I was sitting at a stoplight, on the phone with my dad, when suddenly a car plowed into the back of my Jeep at 45 mph, pushing me into the car in front of me. He never stopped. Turns out he had had cataract surgery the day before and just wasn't paying attention to driving. I don't remember my face hitting the wheel (yes, I was wearing my seatbelt), but I do remember my BlackBerry flying out of my hand and screaming. My poor dad had no idea what was going on. He thought I was getting carjacked. The phone had slid under the passenger seat, and a Good Samaritan helped me out of my car. My nose was bleeding, my shins were already starting to bruise, were cut and sore, my whole body was shaking from shock.....I realized I needed to find my phone, and told my dad what had happened, then I called my mom and my brother. I think I was crying - but I remember very clearly thinking, shit. I cannot afford this right now. My car was so smashed up that it had to be towed, and the policeman took me to the hospital ER. We found my license plate bent in half under another car - the impact had ripped it right off. Long story short, I had no concussion, my shins were nicely bruised, I needed an MRI to see if my calf muscle had been torn because I was in so much pain, and I wound up with a bruise the entire length of my calf that took weeks to go away. I still have an indentation on my calf muscle that might take even longer to fade. Of course I made the requisite jokes that I felt like I got hit by a truck, which no one but me found funny.

I still sit at stoplights and make sure the person behind me is slowing down. For weeks afterward, in my rental car, I'd panic at stoplights. I hated driving. Unlike the accident in FL, when I *saw* the guy 2 cars behind me not slow down and braced myself for the impact, I was totally caught off guard with this one, and it was terrifying. I shudder to think what if I'd had my nephew or the kids I nannied in the car with me. Thank G-d for small miracles, I guess.

Months later, my nephew said to me, "were you bleeding, JJ?" I asked him what he meant, and he said, "When that car hit your car, were you bleeding?" This kid remembered my accident. The night of my accident, he had called me and told me he hoped I felt better, and that did wonders to ease my bodily pains. (well, that, and the pain meds I got).

I woke up yesterday thankful that it hadn't been worse, and so grateful for the past year. So many times we don't realize what we have until later. I know it could have been worse. If I'd been in a different car, if he'd been going even faster, if I hadn't been the only one in the car.....there but for the grace of G-d go I.