Parting is such sweet sorrow.

My 28th Birthday

Last night I ran to B&N to get some coffee, and as I crossed 15-501, I remembered the day I drove down to NC for the first time. I remember only getting directions to Chapel Hill in general, NOT where I needed to be, and we stopped in this car dealership (now a bike place) to ask where the University was. Not our finest moment, I'll admit. I remember going to the mall with Morgan, one of the first friends I made here, to get a pot to make pasta because I hadn't remembered to pack any pots. Every muscle in my body, every fiber of my being, is resisting leaving this place. This is my home, this has become my home. I'm not sure I have ever felt this way about a place. It hasn't always been smooth sailing here - I've struggled a lot here, academically and personally; I got into a major car accident and my Jeep was smashed here not-so-long ago; and my life has done a 180 that I could never have imagined. But what I've learned makes it all worth it.

I've learned that sometimes, your friends are the people you least expected them to be - in both good and bad ways. I learned that "Bless your heart" is NOT a good thing. I learned that people actually still wear Croakies with their sunglasses, and that down here, people pop their collars unironically - preppy heaven, if you will. I finally gave in to saying "y'all" and have found it to be sort of an all-purpose word. I've learned that getting over life's hurdles doesn't have to be neat or pretty or graceful, you just need to get over them. I've learned that foot surgery is not easier the second, nor the third time around. I appreciate Chacos more than ever. I've come to love a good plate of hush puppies or a nice ice cream cone from Maple View. I've given up on having a comfortable Carolina summer, temperature-wise. I've learned that running in the woods can be a holy, magical experience. I know that seeing Oreo cows can make even the worst day good again. I learned that even though I love science and medicine, it does not love me back, and that's okay. I learned to appreciate that our experiences make us who we are, even though when my pcp from Student Health told me that 2 years ago, the PhD rejections were still stinging hard enough that I wasn't sure I entirely believed her. By joining the multisport club, I made new friends and learned that I could try new things at any age, even if I was intimidated. I learned more about unconditional love from the children I babysat - all of them - and from the families that welcomed me into their homes, especially when I had just moved down here and needed a "homey" place. I learned just how fanatical basketball fans can be, especially when I found myself screaming at a tv during NCAA championships. I learned about perseverence and tenacity from school and from not getting into those PhD programs - at the time, I thought they were "failures," and it shook my confidence and my identity to the core for a long time; but they were necessary to set me on the path I was supposed to take. I get it now, the intense loyalty to your school team and strong dislike for your archrival (cough, DUKE, cough). I learned not to take life for granted and to realize life is short from my friend David, who passed away in November. I learned that you can never really have enough Carolina blue in your wardrobe. I learned that turning 30 can be wonderful from my friends who celebrated with me last December. The kindness of strangers, the evolution of strangers to friends, and the Carolina blue sky have all shown me how much wonder life holds, and to not forget that along the way.

Tonight is my last night here in Chapel Hill, at least for a while......and I just can't deal with that. I refuse to believe it. Not happening. Nope. Nope. Nope. Refuse. I will miss all the pink and green, the pearls, the Vineyard Vines, the Topsiders worn year round (which, come hell or high water, I will continue to do in NYC), and even the game-day traffic that reminds me I am living in a major college town. I will miss the conversations with another person that inevitably lead to finding out we know some of the same people, which often happens, especially if the person has grown up here or lived here for some time. In many ways, Chapel Hill is a small town, especially when the students leave. I will miss running into my professors or doctor at the market, or at movies on the green; I will miss random chance meetings on Franklin St or at the bus stop. If you've never lived here, this may all sound......not real, or the specialness may not really shine through. It's kind of hard to explain, but I'm so glad I've lived here the past 4 years. And hopefully, in 2 years, I'll be back.