Leaving Carolina.

This is it. T-5 days, sort of. I leave Chapel Hill Monday afternoon to go to my dad's, and then leave Carolina early Wednesday morning. I honestly do not know how I'm going to do it. Seriously, I cannot see myself leaving Chapel Hill, knowing I won't be back for a while, much less getting on 95N and driving North. I have a fear that I will turn around in Virginia, and just come back. I've tried to put into words the reasons I love Chapel Hill and North Carolina so much, but words fail me. They're just not adequate. Chapel Hill is one of those towns that, when you try to explain it to someone else, it doesn't sound the way you want it to. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine, almost exactly 4 years ago, that I would stay here. I definitely wanted to BE here - Chapel Hill was almost mythical to me - but I never thought it would evolve into my home, with people I cared about and places I became part of. I could not have imagined the amount of people that would touch my life, touch my heart, and make me a better person for it. I never expected to learn so much about myself and about life. I think I have grown more here than I have anywhere else, and that is something that will always stay with me.

In some aspects, it really doesn't seem like it's REALLY happening. My head cannot wrap itself around the fact that my time here is seriously limited. My heart hurts even writing this. The tears are inching out the corners of my eyes as I blink them back - it's too soon to cry, I just won't do it. I can't even listen to James Taylor right now because the waterworks start.

So what am I doing? Planning my last dinner out here - I think I'm going for a similar thing as my 30th birthday, a quintessential Chapel Hill theme. Dinner at Top of the Hill, then cupcakes at Sugarland or a walk down Franklin St. See the Old Well one last time for a bit. Breathe in the Carolina night air. Take snapshots of memory up and down Franklin St, at Pepper's, Spanky's, Yogurt Pump, etc. I'm also trying to distract myself with work, and thinking about going running, although the heat is pretty oppressive at this point. I'm also stress eating my way through a bag of Doritos. Good times indeed.