playing footsies.

This is the plate and screws that are in my 1st metatarsal.

This is the top view.

This was my foot 5 days post-op.

Okay, so these are pictures from the foot surgery back in September. This was my third foot surgery; the 2nd within less than 6 months.....all on the same foot. For those of you who don't know, this surgery was a first MPJ arthrodesis, or fusion. My bunion had recurred AGAIN, and I was beginning to develop arthritis in my first metatarsal. As a (then) 29 year old athlete, the orthopaedic surgeon was troubled by this, and suggested fusion, which is pretty much the most aggressive surgery you can have for a bunion. This surgery fuses the bones of the joint together, so the joint does not move. The top joint of my big toe bends, but the main one does not. My surgery also involved adding a small piece of cadaver bone to the first metatarsal, and shortening my 2nd metatarsal joint. As you can imagine, this kind of sucks. My gait is off with walking, as I cannot toe-off, and right now, I have no idea how I am going to run again - although my surgeon says this is fully possible. But from what I'm reading online, it's hard. Without proper toe-off, the calf is not as developed or strong, and that leg is not as powerful. Right now, 3 months out from surgery, my toe and foot are still pretty swollen. I have pain every day when I walk, and I favor the lateral side of my foot, which worries me about stress fractures along the 5th metatarsal.

So why am I writing about this? Because for some reason, although I knew the surgery would be hard, and rehab would be long, I thought I'd be "okay" by now. I keep forgetting that my body has gone through two major surgeries, which is stressful. As an athlete and someone who relies on running and triathlon training for stress management, this is super hard. It's hard when you have to get off the treadmill in tears because you can barely manage a mile because the pain is so bad. It's difficult when you feel self-conscious even walking around town, let alone walking at a fast pace for exercise. I basically live in sneakers now, because they're the only thing that feels comfortable and lets me walk somewhat normally.

I'm just a little frustrated. I haven't rejoined my gym yet, so I can't even go swimming, and I feel so out of the loop with training. I want to do the Indoor Tri in February, although I know I will be walking the running part very slowly. But I think - no, I know - my tri club teammates will be happy that I am just out there. They're very supportive of anyone.

I can't even wear my Top-Siders, because my foot is swollen and my toe is all weird. Do you know how hard it is to make sneakers "go" with every outfit? ;)

I'm just really hoping my foot gets better soon.