why Pediatrics?

This is the playroom at the Pediatric Pavilion.

My time at MSKCC is quickly coming to an end, at least for this summer. I would love to be back there at some point, but I don't know when that will be. I have learned so much this summer, about myself, about oncology, and about life. I know without a doubt that working in oncology is for me, and my passion for it has grown exponentially. 

My supervisor and I were talking on Friday, and she had asked me what I liked about my experience, and I told her I love how I can tell that people really love what they do, and that they believe in what they do. It's not just a job to them. And I love that, because that's how I feel about this. It's not just something I turn on and off and would do simply for a paycheck. It's my passion, it's my goal - it's the fire that keeps pushing me to do more. And I can tell that the others are there for the same reason. There are easier ways of making money, especially in medicine and psychology. There are easier fields of study to go into, rather than oncology, where death - or the thought of death -  is something that is faced on a daily basis, whether it is spoken or not. People go into oncology for a reason, and it's not about the money. 

We toured the Pediatric ward on Friday, and it was amazing. That might sound weird to some people, to hear me describe a place where children are dying - and living - with cancer as "amazing", but it really was. It was as cheerful as you can get in a place you'd rather not be. The atmosphere was different, and words really fail me to describe the specialness I felt about it. I could see myself working there, and though it was sad for me to see some of the kids - especially the littlest ones - I felt at ease. It made me think of my  nephew, and how grateful I am for his health. People often say G-d, kids with cancer? How depressing. But really, it's all how you look at it. I could say the same thing about working with lower SES patients, or with children with special health care needs, or with Third World countries - but there are others who are so passionate about those things, and I think that's great - how all of us have different passions and goals and dreams and are willing to work to make things better in that world. There is something pure and honest about children, and they have innate hope. Yes, it goes against all rhyme and reason when a child is seriously ill. No, I don't have any answers and it is very hard for me to believe that it is part of G-d's plan. But I am willing to research anything and everything to make things better. I am willing to sit with them and their pain, and just listen. I am willing to bear witness to their stories, and make that human connection that others shy away from in times of illness. And sometimes, that's enough. 

"Part of the job of being human is to consistently underestimate our effect on other people." - Lucy Grealy, from Autobiography of a Face