I (heart) Lance Armstrong

In late July, I will be going to Ohio for 4 days with the Lance Armstrong Foundation, for their Summit on Survivorship. In 2006 it was in Austin, and it was AMAZING. I saw Elizabeth Edwards, Antonia Novella, and saw many other amazing speakers. I also met some awesome people who I am still in contact with today. I came back from that weekend invigorated and inspired, and the LAF has always done that for me, when I go to one of their summits or programs. And, of course, there's always the eye candy that is Lance Armstrong. ;)   But we just got an email - Senator McCain will be speaking on his healthcare plan and his plan for cancer care, and the LAF has also invited Hillary and Obama. I hope Hill goes - I really like her healthplan and her approach to cancer care. It should be an exciting event, and I'm really looking forward to it. 

brain tumors

I guess I've been a little out of things, but I just read that Senator Kennedy's seizure was caused by a malignant glioma, which is a cancerous brain tumor. Gliomas arise from the supportive tissue of the brain, and include different types of gliomas, like astrocytoma, glioblastoma, oligodendroglioma, and oligoastrocytoma. The different names come from the specific cells that the tumor arises from. I shouldn't even really use the word "malignant", because in oncology, a lot of times, for brain tumors, the words usually used are slow-growing and fast-growing, instead of "benign" or "malignant". For instance, a meningioma is considered a "benign" tumor, in the sense that it is slow-growing and not as aggressive as something like glioblastoma multiforme (GBM), but it can still be life-threatening. The grade of the tumor is also very important. 

Anyway, my heart sank when I heard this, and though I don't think it's been mentioned what kind of glioma he has, I am hoping that it is not a GBM. When I was at Penn, I had patients who had GBMs, and I had to do psychotherapy and neurological testing with them.....and at times, it was heartbreaking. GBMs are the most aggressive of the brain tumors, and only 1 patient out of every 4 survives for 2 years (cedars-sinai.edu). Sometimes the tumor can be resected, but it grows back, or is resistant to chemo.....it's really tricky and frustrating. Seeing this up close and personal is really hard. And I was just one of their providers - I can't imagine being a family member. My grandmother has a meningioma, a slow-growing tumor, so it is definitely not the same as someone whose loved one has something like a GBM or astrocytoma or anything else. 

I imagine that I will have many moments like this, especially in the beginning, at MSKCC. I just have to work on putting things in perspective, and hold onto hope - because without hope, you can't do anything in this field. 

Why cancer?

Regina wanted some pictures instead of "all those words", so I decided to show a couple of my favorite places in NY.

This is Magnolia Bakery, in the Village. Their cupcakes are really good, but personally, I like Crumbs cupcakes better. But Magnolia's are still really good. 

These are the steps at Low Library, at Columbia. On nice days, you can sit out on the steps and do work, hang out with friends, or just people-watch on the Quad. 

This is Central Park. Well, part of it, anyway.

This is the view looking out from the Time Warner Center at Columbus Circle. The Time Warner Center has the biggest Whole Foods on the lower level, and it's just a nice place to wander around. 
A month from tomorrow I move to NY for the summer, and though I'm nervous, I can't wait to start my practicum. Almost everyone I talk to, when they find out I'll be working in cancer, and interested in studying about children and cancer, the reaction is almost always the same: How can you DO that? Isn't it just too sad? I could never do that. But in reality, if you felt the way I felt, you COULD do it. I can't imagine working with autistic children, for example. I don't know how people do it. But it's along those same lines. I once wrote something to try and explain why I study cancer stuff, and I decided to put it on here, before I even start at MSKCC. 

When I hear that someone I know has cancer, my reaction is always the same: my heart sinks to the ground, and I feel this surge of being pressed for time - as in, we need to do more for cancer, NOW. No doubt my interest in oncology stemmed from a friend of mine dying when he was 13 and I was 12, of leukemia. And the following year, watching a friend of mine go through treatment for a brain tumor. And as the years went on, my mother's breast cancer scares, my grandfather's lung cancer, etc. Most recently, it's my grandmother's brain tumor and a mentor's breast cancer. I study cancer in the hopes that in the future, kids will never have to experience it first-hand. I study it so that "slash, burn, poison" becomes a thing of the past. I study it because I hate that chemo drugs are so toxic to a person's body that they can cause heart damage and leukemia, among other things. Because no new chemotherapeutic drugs have been made specially for children in decades, because it's not "profitable." Because 1 in 8 women is 1 too many to have breast cancer. Because the feelings of fear and helplessness that can accompany a cancer experience are things too horrible to describe. Because I've donated platelets and had to hold back the tears when I was thanked. Because remission is NOT good enough, we need cures. Because the cumulative budget of the NCI for the past 3 decades is equal to what we spend in Iraq in 9 months. Because there is controversy over the vaccine for HPV, which can help prevent cervical cancer. Because I pray every night that she stays in remission and my heart stopped when she told me she had a scare last month. Because too many people lack support during and after their ordeal. I read about cancer because right now, there is no good screening test for ovarian cancer. Because young adults are the only demographic group in which there has not been a decrease in the incidence of cancer diagnoses and deaths. Because there's a stigma still with so many cancers. I study cancer in the hopes that one day, Memorial Sloan-Kettering and M.D. Anderson will no longer be needed. So that no woman has to make the decision about whether to keep her breast/ovaries/uterus or not. So that no young man has to bank his sperm ASAP, because the treatment will render him sterile. So that 20something women aren't in premature menopause due to their chemo. I study cancer because I'm fascinated at how many diseases that ARE cancer manage to elude scientists and mutate so that they are unstoppable. Because every year, at the Race for the Cure, I see kids with signs in memory of their mothers, and this is unacceptable. I study cancer to temper my own feelings of helplessness and uselessness. To try and be useful to others. To answer the unending questions about an unending disease. I study it because of its intricacies, its beautiful but deadly chaos, and its unrelenting siege on the body. I study it so that I can be a better patient, and a healthier woman. So that my loved ones have accurate information. So that I can be a participating member of my treatment team. So that I have more control in an uncontrollable situation. I study it in the hopes that one day, I won't have to. 

back to the city

I don't start my practicum until June 9, but I am getting really excited for it, even if I am really nervous, too. I'm excited to be back in the city with old friends, and looking forward to living on the opposite side of the Park this time. It makes me think of some of my favorite things/memories about life in New York, like....going to H&H bagels and snagging the last everything bagel....Starbucks on every corner....getting the Sunday Times on Saturday night....the new definition of crowded during morning rush hour in the subway - and all the time on the 6....used booksellers on the sidewalks of the Upper West Side....empty cabs everywhere except when you need them.....trying to figure out the cost of every apartment you're in....suffering through the summer heat...hoping you don't fall down OR trip up the subway steps....cynical city kids.....frozen hot chocolate at Serendipity, followed by a trip to Dylan's Candy Bar....CPW....getting everything possible through delivery.....apartment envy....Tom's Restaurant...black and whites....never leaving Manhattan.....NYU kids hanging out in Washington Square Park....Sarabeth's....Lincoln Center....never having ENOUGH money....Century 21....the Met....Zabar's and Citarella....the Hungarian Pastry Shop....somehow managing to run into people you know in the most random places....Magnolia Bakery....unannounced subway rerouting, usually at 2am....malfunctioning MetroCards, especially at rush hour....Eloise and the Plaza....sample sales...the Village Voice every Wednesday....the spirit of survival and recovery of Manhattan....learning the city's grid....hating Times Square....NY restaurant week....Gramercy Park....the Village Halloween parade....brioches from Balthazar....navigating the sidewalks in the rain without getting your eyeballs jabbed out by umbrellas.....the subway arriving just as you go through the turnstile...Tavern on the Green, even though it's so touristy.....strawberry egg creams at 1am....Chelsea Piers....loving and hating the city simultaneously....getting lost in the Village....bands playing in the subway....St.Vincent's, with the "Missing" posters from 9/11....unexpected pockets of kindness and gratitude....the possibility of anything and everything happening....sitting on the steps of Low Library at Columbia, looking over the Quad....eating brunch outside on the sidewalk....endless debates about which is better, Tasti-d-Lite or Cremalita....fierce loyalty to your neighborhood....the Union Square Greenmarket....Barnard in the springtime....Riverside Park....car alarms at 5:30am....pumpkin waffles and french toast at Sarabeth's....Italian dinners at Lisca...FreshDirect....the last second dash off the local train to the express....Peanut Butter and Co.....vegan goodness at Angelica Kitchen and Candle Cafe....the carousel at Central Park....Crumbs cupcakes....complaining about Manhattan (and even Brooklyn) real estate....dirty feet whenever you dare to wear flip-flops....the Flatiron Building....authentic cannoli in Nolita.....Saturday afternoon walks in Soho....and just so much more. 

It should be a good summer.