So we finally have a plan for surgery. I met with the doctor and the rest of the orthopedic team on Thursday. By far, this will be the worst one yet. The fusion didn't take. So they will be shortening the second and third metatarsals and putting in screws in those bones, to hold them in place. They will also be removing all the hardware that is currently in my foot - a plate and 6 (broken) screws. Because there's an excellent chance of not having much bone left after that, I will give consent for them to take bone from my left hip. The other option is a cadaver bone - which we did last time and it didn't work. It is much more likely to take, if it is my own cells and bone. After that, he will re-do the fusion, putting in a larger plate and "as many screws as he can fit," as he said (somewhat jokingly…I hope). I will then have a cast (my first one EVER) for 2 months, and absolutely no weight-bearing for that long. Which is significantly different than my last 3 foot surgeries. He wants to make sure this works, and works well. After 2 months, I guess I graduate to a boot. So the recovery process is going to be loooooong. He was straight with me; he said it will be painful, both the foot and the hip, but I will be given analgesics, obviously.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. Or upset. Or scared, a little. I know how bad the pain is with bunion surgeries. The last surgery was especially painful, and this one will be a lot worse. This will be challenging, to say the least.
The one bright spot is that at least I can work from home. I can write and edit anywhere I have an internet connection. That is the only bright spot right now.
Showing posts with label foot surgery. Show all posts
Showing posts with label foot surgery. Show all posts
Sunday, October 12, 2014
Wednesday, October 8, 2014
white coat envy, again.
I went to the Strand last night to see Atul Gawande speak and read from his new book, Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End. Simply put, he single-handedly reignited my white coat envy. I have read all of his books, and like Jerome Groopman, he is one of those physician-writers whom I love, the kind of doctor I had envisioned I would be one day. Needless to say, my life took some detours and my path ended up different. Gawande has his MD and MPH, and is so down-to-earth. I got to ask him a question during the Q and A, and asked about his thoughts on the Death With Dignity Act. He gave a thoughtful, thorough answer, looking at me, making eye contact, and talking to me like it was just the two of us, he was that focused. I could see why patients would love him.
One thing gave me pause, though. Someone asked how he balanced everything - being a top surgeon, a nationally known writer, a New Yorker staff writer, public health, etc. He looked down, and said, "If you want to make a difference in the world, or be really really really good at something, you have to accept that it's going to suck up an incredible amount of time." He went on to say that he "steals" time to write, to plan, to do things. He also said he's probably not always the best husband, and that he's probably a "B" father, not an "A" father. "For instance, I'm missing my daughter's recital right now," he said. I appreciated his candor, and felt both admiration and sadness. I was glad to see he wasn't promoting the idea that yes! you can have it all! Because the sad thing is, you can't. Especially if you're a woman, it feels like. But I was sad because his book is about dying. He talked about how you want to live. And I wondered if, on his deathbed, he'll wish that he spent more time on book tours and writing, or that he went to more of his children's recitals. Will he wish he had sacrificed some media exposure to be an "A" dad, especially when his children are young? That's for him to decide. And maybe he won't, maybe he will be completely satisfied with his life decisions. That's not for me to judge. I know how important a career - especially one you love and are passionate about - can be a huge part of someone's life, someone's identity. But then I also wondered what would have happened if a woman had said what he said. What if a female physician had said to a crowd that she sacrifices part of her motherhood for her career, that she knows she's a "B" mother? I think she would be excoriated. She would be raked over the coals, torn down as a mother, seen as "cold" or unwomanly, bitchy, or unnatural.
I was told today that Helen Gurley Brown did not mention motherhood at all in her book "Having it All." Just something to ponder.
I am so thankful that I got the chance to see Dr. Gawande. His book is smartly written, the parts that I've read, and his storytelling draws you in because of his way of writing directly to the reader.
So many good books lately. I've been on a Virginia Woolf kick, and I'm trying to read the "classics" that I missed (and somehow, I've missed A LOT of them. Like, an embarrassing amount). But I haven't had much time to read, between writing for several websites, tutoring, and working for a writing/editing company. Which is good, but still. I guess when I'm recovering from foot surgery and still on pain meds (aka, not able to write coherently) I will get to read a lot. I'm being presented at Grand Rounds on thursday to the orthopedic team, since this surgery will be a doozy. Awesome.
One thing gave me pause, though. Someone asked how he balanced everything - being a top surgeon, a nationally known writer, a New Yorker staff writer, public health, etc. He looked down, and said, "If you want to make a difference in the world, or be really really really good at something, you have to accept that it's going to suck up an incredible amount of time." He went on to say that he "steals" time to write, to plan, to do things. He also said he's probably not always the best husband, and that he's probably a "B" father, not an "A" father. "For instance, I'm missing my daughter's recital right now," he said. I appreciated his candor, and felt both admiration and sadness. I was glad to see he wasn't promoting the idea that yes! you can have it all! Because the sad thing is, you can't. Especially if you're a woman, it feels like. But I was sad because his book is about dying. He talked about how you want to live. And I wondered if, on his deathbed, he'll wish that he spent more time on book tours and writing, or that he went to more of his children's recitals. Will he wish he had sacrificed some media exposure to be an "A" dad, especially when his children are young? That's for him to decide. And maybe he won't, maybe he will be completely satisfied with his life decisions. That's not for me to judge. I know how important a career - especially one you love and are passionate about - can be a huge part of someone's life, someone's identity. But then I also wondered what would have happened if a woman had said what he said. What if a female physician had said to a crowd that she sacrifices part of her motherhood for her career, that she knows she's a "B" mother? I think she would be excoriated. She would be raked over the coals, torn down as a mother, seen as "cold" or unwomanly, bitchy, or unnatural.
I was told today that Helen Gurley Brown did not mention motherhood at all in her book "Having it All." Just something to ponder.
I am so thankful that I got the chance to see Dr. Gawande. His book is smartly written, the parts that I've read, and his storytelling draws you in because of his way of writing directly to the reader.
So many good books lately. I've been on a Virginia Woolf kick, and I'm trying to read the "classics" that I missed (and somehow, I've missed A LOT of them. Like, an embarrassing amount). But I haven't had much time to read, between writing for several websites, tutoring, and working for a writing/editing company. Which is good, but still. I guess when I'm recovering from foot surgery and still on pain meds (aka, not able to write coherently) I will get to read a lot. I'm being presented at Grand Rounds on thursday to the orthopedic team, since this surgery will be a doozy. Awesome.
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
Take Four
So. It looks like I will most likely be having a fourth surgery on my left foot. I called several doctors at HSS today and waiting for them to get back to me. Apparently I have two broken screws in my foot and "post-surgical changes." Awesome. I cannot even imagine what this corrective surgery will entail, or the subsequent pain and recovery. Not only will it be a repair of the bunion that has recurred, but taking out the screws and somehow fixing the mess that is my foot. At this point, I just hope I have a toe/foot left at the end of all this. I have a feeling this is probably the end of my running days. So much for doing soccer this fall.
Writing is going well. Exhausting. Freelancing is kind of like a never-ending race, because you're constantly looking for another project because you don't know when you'll need it. Add looking for a full-time job, and it's stress city. But that's pretty much the theme for my generation right now, I think.
Studying for doula training (Intuitive Doula) is going well. I've been working on the first Module and reading the books, and I'm pretty excited.
I just read Belzhar, by Meg Wolitzer. It comes out in September, and though it's categorized as Young Adult, I think it stands on its own as simply a novel for adults, too. I think it's one of my favorite books ever. Magical realism, Sylvia Plath, self-discovery, writing - it has it all, and it's done well.
FINALLY finished Infinite Jest. All 1079 pages of it. I'm not sure I can explain how I liked it, but the writing was excellent, and DFW was truly talented and a genius. Who knows what he would have done as the years go by.
Writing is going well. Exhausting. Freelancing is kind of like a never-ending race, because you're constantly looking for another project because you don't know when you'll need it. Add looking for a full-time job, and it's stress city. But that's pretty much the theme for my generation right now, I think.
Studying for doula training (Intuitive Doula) is going well. I've been working on the first Module and reading the books, and I'm pretty excited.
I just read Belzhar, by Meg Wolitzer. It comes out in September, and though it's categorized as Young Adult, I think it stands on its own as simply a novel for adults, too. I think it's one of my favorite books ever. Magical realism, Sylvia Plath, self-discovery, writing - it has it all, and it's done well.
FINALLY finished Infinite Jest. All 1079 pages of it. I'm not sure I can explain how I liked it, but the writing was excellent, and DFW was truly talented and a genius. Who knows what he would have done as the years go by.
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