By the time I post this, it will be my birthday. My 32nd birthday. It almost doesn't seem real. Like, this means I am actually an adult. I am in my early 30's. Has life turned out the way I planned? Hell no. Am I happy with this life? Most of the time. I am happy that I am privileged enough to have these two years of writing, I am happy that I found a home in Chapel Hill, and I am lucky to have wonderful friends and family. I never thought I'd be an aunt by now, and for that, I am immeasurably grateful. But I've been thinking a lot about life, and I figured now's a good a time as any to make this announcement.
In three years, I will be 35. Or as OB/GYNs like to call it, "advanced maternal age." Having worked in maternal-child health, I know my fertility has already probably taken a nosedive before I turned 30. In fact, I like to envision my eggs bouncing around my ovaries with bifocals on, Depends, pushing walkers, and using canes. Some cracks here and there, but they're mine. I know women have had babies later in life. My own doctor had her daughter as a single mother at the age of 42. Sandra Bullock adopted in her 40s. So here it is: If I do not meet THE GUY before I turn 35, I am wholeheartedly pursuing single motherhood by choice. (SMBC). Lots of women do it. I know I would be an excellent mother. Without a doubt. I know it's hard work. But I am not willing to forgo the experience of being a mother just because I don't meet the right guy in time. If I have to have IVF, IUI, adopt - I don't care. I'd freeze my eggs now, if I had the money. My child does not have to look like me to be mine. Whether it comes to me or through me, whether it grows in my uterus or my heart, it really doesn't matter. My child(ren) are out there somewhere, and when the time is right, it will happen.
I've been thinking about this for a while, because there's almost nothing more that I want than to become a mother. Being with kids and taking care of them is one of the few things that comes naturally to me, that I don't second-guess myself at. It's a no-brainer. But it's not like you can really post this on your Facebook page or make an announcement at Thanksgiving dinner - hey, if I don't meet the right guy, I'm knocking myself up! Not quite. But knowing that I have a plan in mind, knowing that I do not have to give up being a mother if I don't find the right guy, makes me very happy. It makes my heart settle. And maybe things don't have to follow the order of that childhood rhyme we were all taught - maybe a baby can come first, then love, then marriage. In the end, does it really matter, anyway?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
In reply to a comment that I am choosing not to post for its mean-spirited tone, I know I am an adult. I have not lived at home since I was 18. I have worked full-time WHILE going to school, so yes, I have had a "job". I have always had a job throughout college, and grad school. While lately it might be freelance, it is something. If I continue to "AMAZE" you, you can stop reading this blog. You don't even sign your name - how's *that* for maturity and responsibility?
And by the way, I am very cognizant of my "lifetime." I have explored avenues that interest me and make me happy -- some have worked out, some have not. But at least I won't have to sit back and think, "what if..." or have any regrets. Oh - also, thank you for being so concerned about my student loans - I've been making payments on them.
And one more thing - please do not make comments or assume things about my brother - or my family. My brother was born with immense capabilities, thank you; we just learn and grow in different ways. If you know me and my brother personally, and are hiding behind anonymity, I feel sorry for you. But DON'T talk about my brother.
Post a Comment