the end is in sight.....

In less than two weeks my first semester of art school will be done, and three semesters of coursework will remain. I'm not sure I've ever been so busy in my life. Now, reading 3 books a week seems normal. I've accepted being constantly tired, my eyes overworked from reading for hours. Coffee has replaced much of the blood in my veins, and yet it never seems to be enough. I had an interview for a fellowship this morning (not the major one that covers all your costs - didn't even make the interview round for that one). It's a research fellowship, which actually fits with my interests/abilities better, I think. Crossing my fingers. Workshop has greatly improved since the first one. Now I'm actually getting really great feedback from the professor and my peers. The changes they suggest are sometimes obvious ones, and other times totally brilliant ones that I never would have thought of. But that's what 11 new pairs of eyes on your writing gives you, I guess. I'm definitely more confident in my writing, which I feel has grown stronger.

It's been interesting, this journey from medical-oriented study to art school. I'm not sure I see myself as creative or as an artist yet, and I always feel like I'm "pretending" to be an artist when I say I go to art school or the School of the Arts. I haven't yet totally embraced that aspect of myself into my identity. I've managed to incorporate my medical knowledge/research into personal essays and plan on taking Narrative Medicine classes, so I think it's turned out to be a good match. Sometimes I still have that rush of overwhelming fear and panic - what the hell was I thinking, actually believing I could be a writer and make a living out of this - but I try to push that away with being in the here and now. I just have to believe it will work out in the end, that doing something I love - have loved forever - will be enough of a safety net to keep me afloat.