for real.

Holy shit. It's finally really starting to sink in. And anytime this happens, when I make a major decision or whatnot about Columbia, it's like my body suddenly has an attack of Crohn's disease. Not pretty. I've paid my housing deposit, applied for all the necessary loans, signed the promissary notes, sent in my class preferences and am signing up for health insurance. This is really happening.

It's mid-July. Where did the time go? Some days I am excited about New York, other days I'm sick to my stomach about it. I know it's just nerves. Once I get a routine and know what is expected of me, I will be fine. The start of any program is nerve-wracking. I can feel myself starting to pull away from Chapel Hill and the people here, and I don't want to do that. I want to be present for the entire time I'm here, to soak up every last morsel of Carolina. This will be a good exercise for staying in the moment.

Signing up for preferred classes was a trip. We had to rank our preferences for seminars, lectures and workshops.....here I am, ranking workshops with Philip Lopate and Pulitzer-prize winning Margo Jefferson...what. the. hell. I will actually have the opportunity to sit in a classroom with these people and learn from them and with them. It blows my mind. I felt this way at MSKCC, too. It's like, they actually do exist, and aren't some nebulous literary geniuses floating around out there. I have to admit, while I was ranking the classes, all I could think was, you have got to be kidding me. But in a good way. There were so many amazing classes from which to choose.

This is real. It seems like a whirlwind. But on the other hand, it's been a long time coming, in a lot of ways. So many things in my life have been leading me up to this. So many peoples' encouragement and enthusiasm about my writing that have helped nurture it. Other people taking my writing seriously, and demanding I do the same.

I'm going to really enjoy this.