leaving the ground.

Women are taught, from an early age, to be agreeable. To smile, be sweet - sugar and spice and everything nice. We absorb messages to not be too aggressive, too assertive (lest we be called bitches); we don't want to intimidate others with our wants, needs and ambitions. Things have changed a little bit, but there is still that glass ceiling - believe me; my friends and I have seen this firsthand, when guys on dating sites are less likely to contact a woman with more education than them. (which narrows the pool considerably for many of us, just sayin'). It can be hard for us to admit we want more. More of everything.

Which makes me wonder how this will be taken, because sometimes ambition can be seen as a bad thing....which is sad, since I believe the newer generations are lacking ambition, actually.

I want to be great. I don't want to be "good" at writing, I want to be excellent. I want to write books that people read, that changes people's lives and makes a difference. I want to go into a bookstore and see my books on the shelf, I want to work with other writers to help us all realize each others' dreams. I want to do author readings and meet and greets. I want to make enough money to pay back all my student loans and provide for my family and give them back everything they have given me, and then some.

Don't get me wrong. That's not the sole reason why I'm doing this. I am doing this because I love it. Writing is when I am most honest, most free. But I want to refine my craft, to actually get instruction and polish my writing, and take it to levels I never dreamed of.

When I read about an author with which I am having dinner on Tuesday getting a million dollar advance for her debut novel, or Tea Obreht winning the Orange Prize at the age of 25 and being the youngest of the New Yorker's "20 Under 40" list.....I admit, I am envious. But I am also inspired. I have 10 years left to make that list, and I will try my heart out. Long shot? Maybe. But I'd rather aim high and land a little low than never get off the ground.