Bring on the song.

Last August, I wrote this post, about making the decision to pursue writing. Little did I know that 10 months later, I would be going to a well-respected, Ivy League MFA program - one that I applied to simply because I HAD to at least try to get in. I had applied to Columbia back in 2005, on a whim, and didn't expect to get in this time, either. 6 years ago, I didn't really believe in myself as a writer. And now, even though I struggle with it, I have really begun to identify myself as a writer. Although even the other day, I mentioned to someone that I still feel like Columbia must have mixed me up with someone else, admissions-wise. The changes in my life in the past 10 months have been overwhelming and, dare I say, even life-changing.

I made a decision about my life based on my own crazy dreams, not even knowing if I'd be able to do it - it's not "practical", it's not lucrative....but it is what I love, and it seems like everyone else saw it before I did.

I joined a running group that has, without a doubt, been so helpful in making me feel like an athlete again, and has helped me listen to my body by forcing me to walk instead of run, helping to prevent further injury. I feel strong again when I am with these women - but at the same time, softer. Softer because it takes a lot for me to join a group and put myself out there - but I did it, all by myself. Over the past few weeks, my hard and jagged edges have smoothed out.

I was accepted to an MFA program, and though I kept turning it down, the opportunity refused to go away. I am meant to be in this program.

I got a job at an indie bookstore and love it. I get to read and talk with people about books all day. I am learning about how publishing works, marketing, and get to go out to dinner with authors and their publishers/agents. And I get tons of ARCs (Advance Reader Copies), which are free books. Score.

On my birthday blog post, I wrote that I want my thirties to be about abundance and not restriction. Is this scary, opening up my life and myself? To quote my girl Sarah Palin, you betcha. My life is in flux for the next 2 months - me, the girl who likes a neat and orderly plan, is living in somewhat organized chaos. But I believe it will be worth it.

Despite all these changes and alterations to my life, there is a part of me that feels like I'm getting back to myself. I don't think I've been this excited - or scared - about something in a long time. I'm not sure when the last time was that I felt this kind of possibility. I know that my past hasn't been a waste. I will be volunteering at a cancer writing therapy program, and I'd love to come back to Chapel Hill and start one here, eventually. As a professor of mine wrote to me recently, there is more than one way to get to where you want to be. My way just happened to be a little more complicated, with unexpected detours.

Last summer, I listened to the song "Bring on the Wonder" on repeat as I was trying to figure out my life, and to this day, it is a song that for me, will represent everything this process has meant to me.

"Bring on the wonder, bring on the song. I've pushed you down deep in my soul for too long...." - Susan Enan

Bring on the wonder, indeed.