tomorrow.

A wise teacher in high school once told my class that "No one ever promised us tomorrow." This has stuck with me through the years, because it is something so simple, it seems instinctive, but it is something we all tend to forget, or ignore, or don't believe. But it's true. Tomorrow is not a given for any of us, which is why we should live in the moment and pursue our happiness (as long as it does not hurt others). This isn't always easy to follow - believe me, I know. Daily I am consumed with anxiety, wondering if I made the right decision in following my heart to writing, wondering whether I will be able to make a different with my writing or teaching, and wondering how the heck my finances will turn out. Deep in my heart, I know I have made the right decision and am happier than I've been in a while, but in my head, I don't always remember that.

A friend of mine passed away on Friday night from cancer. He was first diagnosed in 2003, and suffered multiple recurrences, and each time, they amputated further up on the arm, until January, when he had no more arm to amputate and the cancer metastasized to his spine. Despite radiation and chemo, the cancer spread to his liver and lungs, and he and his wife decided to opt for pain management rather than treatment. It was a good choice. They went on trips together, had professional photographs taken of the two of them, and lived life out in the world, instead of in a hospital or chemo waiting room. They have memories of trips and togetherness and laughter. He was 33.

Despite the fact that we all knew he would die from the disease, I don't think any of us were prepared. You can never be "prepared" for that. I remember thinking the same thing about my grandfather. When he died from lung cancer, we knew it was coming; his death was painfully protracted and I had just visited him the previous week and knew death was imminent. But it was still shocking in its own strange way, because how do we prepare for death? Are we ever fully "prepared", those of us still alive? I'm not sure we are.

Death reminds us that it's true, no one did promise us tomorrow. There is no guarantee for any of us. The best we can do is try and be in the moment, love and appreciate those in our lives, and pursue our passions and happiness. When I find myself doubting every decision I have been making, I think to myself, if you were to die tomorrow, would you be happy? And I would be, I think. Would you? Do you make decisions out of fear (which we all do at numerous points in our lives)? Are you willing to make decisions from your heart, despite the anxiety that might cause? Because this is your life. This is it. At the (almost) age of 30, I am tired of thinking "oh, I've always wanted to..." or "I wish I could..." Because none of us know what will happen. None of us know our fates.

It's scary. It's scary as hell, living the lives we want to lead. But what is the alternative?