my lovely nephew, as always.

I love this picture. It was taken August 2007, right before I moved to Chapel Hill for graduate school. Trey was about 4 months old, and my heart was breaking at the prospect of leaving him. My heart still breaks every time I leave him. It may seem odd to people, how much I love him. I'm not a parent, just an aunt. But I spent so much time babysitting him after he was born, when he was a newborn and infant, that I feel a bond with him. I'm sure part of it is my biological clock in overdrive, because I love kids and want a few of my own, but right now, I am overjoyed to be an aunt.

My mom used to tell my brother and I how much my uncle loved being an uncle. He had no kids, either. When he died, there were gifts in his closet for Brad and I, labeled for different holidays and ages. As an aunt, I finally understand that. I understand the primal, uncontrollable love for a child. The urge to protect them no matter what, the joy of hearing them say your name over the phone, or their innocent, "I love you"s and the feel of their tiny hands around your neck in a bear hug. Trey can bring happiness even on the darkest, stormiest of days. I've said this before and it's still true, his heart is so big, I have no idea how it is able to be contained in his tiny body. He's a lover, not a fighter, and my heart threatens to shatter when I think of him ever experiencing pain or loss. If I could, I would protect him from the injuries of life, but I can't. No adult can do that for a child indefinitely, no matter how much we want to. Broken hearts and injuries are part of life, part of learning and living.

I am so excited to see my nephew in a little more than a week. I can't wait to get off the plane in Philadelphia and have he and my mom pick me up, and see the huge smile on his face because Aunt JJ is home. In that moment, I never want to leave him. To see him grow and get older has been such a treat, and I feel honored to be a part of his life. We are truly the lucky ones, and I am forever grateful that Trey is in our lives.