this kind of work.

"This kind of work, it changes you....and it IS too easy to lose your way." These words were just spoken on Grey's Anatomy by the Chief of Surgery. He was talking to the physicians and telling them about his experience with a person with AIDS back when AIDS first came on the scene. And though Grey's is often far-flung from the truth, there is truth to these words. Hearing him say them...well, it sounds cheesy, but it reminded me why I am on this path and why I continue to slog through, despite setbacks and failures and struggle, despite having to take undergrad classes at the age of 29....I do it because I love it. I love oncology, and it feels right working in the field. I honestly cannot see myself doing anything else but something in oncology. There is something humbling in working with people and families living with cancer. Many days, you are the one being taught. There is something magical in the human spirit, that is amazing to watch and be a part of. Though it can be depressing work, the relationships and resilience and hope are also a huge part of it.

This is what I need to keep in the forefront of my mind when I get discouraged with my classes, or overwhelmed with memorizing. This is what I need to remember when I find myself thinking I'm crazy for doing this and not taking a job that is simply satisfactory but pays the bills. I need to remember my grandmothers' gratitude when I explained her pathology report to her. I need to remind myself of my dad's "thank you's" when I broke down my aunt's medical records in everyday language. Or R's pleased surprise when I call to see how she's holding up with radiation. I need to remember Erik, Sophia, Pop-Pop, Jennifer, Jaime N, Kendal....and all the other wonderful people I have in my life who have been affected by cancer. I am tired of hearing that someone else died, or someone has a recurrence. I'm frustrated that the scale is not tilting in a different direction with cancer.

But I guess that's why I chose oncology.

Or why it chose me.

"If children have the ability to ignore all odds and percentages, then maybe we can all learn from them. When you think about it, what other choice is there but to hope? We have two options, medically and emotionally: give up, or fight like hell." -- Lance Armstrong