getting over.

I had my first test on Tuesday. I have anatomy lab quizzes every Friday and had a lab exam last Friday, but this was my first class test. I didn't do well. I haven't gotten my grade, but I know I did not do well, despite having studied a lot (in my opinion). But I knew big-picture, and she was REALLY detail-oriented. In a class entitled MICRObiology, I probably should have seen that one coming. But I didn't. And though I've aced all the anatomy quizzes, I did not do well on the lab exam. Why? Because we had random bones on the table, spread out, and had to identify them. Without context. I wasn't prepared for that, and really, when will that ever happen? When will I get a random ulna on my desk and have to identify it as such? Anyway. So yesterday, after I came home from the micro test, I just cried. It was a rainy day, which didn't help. So I got on the treadmill and ran it out, but ended up going to bed by 9:30pm because I just wanted the day to be over and forgotten about. I was really upset, because I want this. I want to do well. This is a challenge, and I love challenges. It's just harder than anticipated, both the classwork AND rearranging my brain and thought processes to concrete sciences. I haven't had to do rote memorization in years, so it's been an adjustment. So I pretty much cried myself to sleep last night, feeling like I was failing at everything. And, like it always is, the morning was much better. I woke up with a clearer head and new resolve.

I did not get where I am, both personally and academically, by quitting or giving up. I don't know when I started to let myself get psyched out by little things, but that's not who I am at heart. I am a fighter, I'm "scrappy", as I was once called. I push and push and push and work til I get some sort of result. I need to build up my confidence and do better on the next exams. A woman I know, Katie, did college track & field back in the day, and she told me a story that I often fall back on. They needed her to do hurdles, which she typically didn't do. And she was talking to her coach, and her coach told her that he doesn't care how she gets over the hurdles, it doesn't have to be pretty, but just get over them. Get over the hurdles. I don't have to be pretty doing this; I don't have to get perfect scores, I just have to clear these hurdles one way or another. And that's what I'll do. It's what I've always done.