does breastfeeding suck? (pun intended)

Okay. I'm sorry, this is going to be a rant. It's just bad timing that it's coming off Mother's Day weekend, and I'm sure not everyone will like this. But here goes.

By now, most people have seen the now-infamous TIME magazine cover with the 3-year old breastfeeding, and the cover line of "Are you mom enough?" First, let's just acknowledge that if you've actually read the article, it's more about attachment parenting and Dr.Sears - which really illustrates that the title is merely incendiary and targets women and perpetuates the divides among women and mothers. Attachment parenting is PARENTING - which includes fathers. So why is there only a breastfeeding mother on the cover? And why doesn't it say "Are you parent enough?" Just things to ponder. Women are already judged for every little decision they make about parenting - choosing to be a parent, choosing NOT to have children, choosing to be a single parent, adopting instead of biological kids, doing fertility treatments, working outside the home, putting kids in daycare...it never ends. Mothers are damned if they do and damned if they don't.
People are decrying this cover as so offensive and controversial....um, women's bodies are objectified and sexualized all the time in the media. Hello, Hooters? Maxim magazine? Almost any major TV show?

In my maternal-child health program, breastfeeding was seen as paramount. And yes, I've read the data. It's healthy. Breast is best. We get it. There was a professor who thought it was "every woman's duty" to breastfeed, and once said there is no reason why every woman shouldn't breastfeed. Well, to be honest, I wasn't breastfed. I think I turned out okay. All my limbs are intact, my IQ is up there on the charts, and I have graduate degrees. I think for all intents and purposes, not being breastfed hasn't hurt me.
Choosing to breastfeed OR NOT is a personal, individual decision. Women may not be able to because of mastitis, or work demands, or whatever - we don't know. Mothering is hard enough without being made to feel guilty about your choices on breastfeeding.

For me personally, even though my logical mind and all the knowledge I have tells me to breastfeed for the recommended year by AAP, I doubt I will last more than a month, when the time comes. To be perfectly blunt, I think I would feel like a cow being milked. I have NO PROBLEM with breastfeeding. It doesn't bother me to see it - every mom I've nannied for has breastfed in front of me, and I don't get offended or anything. It's what bodies are made to do. At any rate, I posted something on Facebook, and I pretty much explained my stance - I didn't understand why the cover is so scandalous, and in the comments, I explained that for me personally, I don't agree with the concept of  breastfeeding past the first year, and I don't think breastfeeding will be what I choose. Well. Scandal.  I wasn't saying other women were wrong, I was just saying I don't always agree. I'm not going to tell a woman they're doing anything "wrong" - hey, if it works for them, great. Breastfeed your kid til they're 10, I don't care. I just don't agree. And hey, there are actually a lot of articles that examine the idea that breastfeeding ISN'T all it's been said it is. There's a lot we don't know. I get my data from AAP. Some women get their data from nurse practitioners or mommy bloggers. And that's fine. You get your data, I'll get mine, and we each form our own approaches to parenting. What's the big deal?
One of my friends from college mentioned something to the effect of "maybe when you're a mother you may feel differently." Back the fuck up. First, I find that incredibly condescending, even if it wasn't meant to be that way. I've taken care of children and infants and newborns. I want almost nothing more than to be a mom. I have an MPH in maternal-child health, for Christs sake. I've thought long and hard about breastfeeding; it's not something I came up with on a whim. I plan to go back to work, and for me personally, I just don't think breastfeeding is for me. So yeah, I'm not sure I'll feel differently. In fact, I doubt it. 
So you know what, Sanctimommies? (And I'm not saying this friend is a Sanctimommy - but other Facebook friends certainly have posted things on their pages that indicate that they are). How about we stop judging different kinds of mothering/parenting and realize women are in this together? Parenting is hard stuff - the last thing a woman wants is to feel ostracized on the playground or at Mommy and Me because her infant isn't hanging off her breast. 


Whew. 
On another note, a friend posted an article from salon.com yesterday, entitled "Why I Hate Mother's Day," by Anne Lamott - who is a mother and grandmother. She writes about how the holiday perpetuates the idea that individuals who are parents are more important than those who are not parents.  And honestly, as a 31 year old who is not a parent yet, it feels like there is more than a kernel of truth to that. Kind of like how Carrie on Sex and the City says in one episode that there are no showers for those who are single - but there are wedding showers, baby showers...but no celebrations for other life choices/circumstances. I do think things have gotten better in some ways - Mother's Day should be a day where you celebrate all women who have mothered a child, even if they're not a mother. But we have a long way to go. It was just a really interesting article. 


Anyway. I just had to get all that out. It's been bothering me. d