searching for something.

You know, I learned a long time ago life isn't fair. I learned bad things happen to good people, that kids die and people get sick for no reason and we don't always get the news we want. I've read Kushner's book When Bad Things Happen to Good People, and I know that G-d can't control everything and how prayer is meant to help and comfort us. But you know what? I want to know where the miracles are. I want to know where G-d is sometimes. My aunt died Jan 1. G-d had nothing to do with that; it was cancer. I get that. My Nana has Alzheimer's. I get that G-d didn't cause the plaques in her brain. But my cousin Jerry died today after a massive heart attack. He has a young son. (Well, he's in his early 20s). A month and a half after a funeral, we have another one. Two months ago yesterday we were celebrating Christmas. And now two family members are dead. I just don't get it.

Don't get me wrong - I still have 3 living grandparents, 2 of whom are in wonderful health. I have two healthy parents. I am grateful. I have a wonderful brother and a fantabulous nephew. I have my health. I am comfortable and have many privileges. I am aware of all this. But that does not negate the hurt I am feeling, nor the anger.

We needed a miracle today. My other cousin Michael (whose mom died in Jan) really believed Jerry would be okay. He really believed things would work out, because "they can't get much worse." But they did. We didn't get our miracle. Where was G-d today?