I had my first workshopping experience this past Wednesday. I gave two pieces to my workshop group the week before, and they critique it. How we usually do it is this: we talk about what we liked first, then give our criticisms. Well, she asked about my pieces.....and no one said a thing. NO ONE. Really? You mean to tell me no one liked parts of it, or my voice, or a line or two? It was like pulling fucking teeth. It was excruciating to sit through. It was good to hear the criticisms and read them - too general, need more detail, etc etc - they're right. But it was the way it was handled that completely destroyed my morale. I came home, never wanting to write again. Somewhere deep in my heart I knew I couldn't suck completely; Columbia wouldn't have given me all this money if I were really terrible. But it was just so disheartening and demoralizing. I haven't written anything since then, and am gripped with anxiety every time I sit down to write. I don't even want to write anything personal or dear to my heart for next workshop, for fear it will be torn to shreds. And now I'm paralyzed when I go to write, thinking I'm not doing it right, that I suck, etc.
I know I need to push through this, that MFA programs are meant to weed people out. And if your writing doesn't hurt you when ripped apart, it's probably a piece of shit to begin with. But I guess I wasn't prepared for it.
They say revision is the best revenge...
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